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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did (unemployed, part-time employed, and full-time) when compared to men who had full-time work in the Peru between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did (unemployed, part-time employed, and full-time) when compared to men who had full-time work in the Peru between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #duration #housework #women #men #work #peru #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The chart describes how
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
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effects
Replace the word
affects
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 the
time
Use synonyms
 spent on
Use synonyms
house
Correct your spelling
housework
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in Britain . It shows the duration in different eras . There are 3 types of
employment
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 for
women
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 which are , Un
employed
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unemployed
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,
Part -
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Part-time
show examples
Time
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employment
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 , and Full-
Time
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employment
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 .
While
Linking Words
 there is one category for men
that is
Linking Words
, a Full -
Time
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employment
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 .
Overall
Linking Words
 , The chart indicates that
women
Use synonyms
 who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more
hours
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 will have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
house
Correct your spelling
housework
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 . by that means that
mantaining
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maintaining
 a balance between a
Use synonyms
women's
Fix the agreement mistake
woman's
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 career and
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house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
work
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 could be somewhat challenging . To be
precsize
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precise
, in 1985 & 2005
Women
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 that are Unemployed spent 7
hours
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 on
house
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responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
,
while
Linking Words
 females that
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 full-
time
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 employees spent a median of 2.5
hours
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 , which indicates that there is a negative relationship between the periods
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
work
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 and
time
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 spent on household chores , on the other side when comparing the duration on
household
Add an article
the household
show examples
 for men it shows that in 2005 had
a significant higher
Correct the article-noun agreement
a significant higher hour
significant higher hours
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 comparing to 1985 and 1995 which were on the same level.
Submitted by nouf.alkhalaifi2 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, house, work, employment, women, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "indicates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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