IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue tht it is better to try and improve such situations Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is a controversial argument that when people are faced with unpleasant conditions, it would be great if they accept it or make the decision to change it. In my opinion, it would be better to plan for a better situation and do our best. Sometimes acceptance of some bad conditions indeed helps us.
Due to
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 the
lots of
Correct word choice
many
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 responsibilities that we have in our daily lives, it is not a perfect approach to leave them immediately.
For example
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, if some person has a family and he or she is responsible for providing their expenses, it would not be a good decision for him or her to lose the
job
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.
Additionally
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, I suppose that if individuals are not able to make changes in their current lives, it would be better to accept
this
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 truth and keep living with calm and positive
feeling
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feelings
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.
On the other hand
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, others believe that change is always a better choice to deal with an unsatisfied
job
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 or conditions. If individuals have enough courage and motivation they can be able to overcome
to
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apply
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these problems, quitting their
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and searching for new positions that are suitable for them. By doing it,
finally
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, people can feel comfortable in their lives and be more happy. Things like promotion, better
job
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 opportunities,
higher
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and higher
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 wages are the consequences of these changes. In conclusion,
while
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 it is possible to deal with unsuitable situations and it might be a temporary solution, it would be better to have an approach to change the things that are not made for us.

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task achievement
Although your essay addresses both views and provides your opinion, adding more specific examples and elaborating on your points could strengthen your argument. For example, mentioning real-life scenarios or statistics can provide a deeper context for your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally coherent, but you could improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. Using clear connectors and signposting can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are clear, try to ensure they are tightly linked. A concluding sentence that echoes the introduction can bring your essay full circle and give it a sense of closure.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion. You've provided a clear stance on the issue as well.
coherence cohesion
The ideas presented are clear and logical, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument. This enhances the overall readability of your essay.
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