IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

some people think that is worth researching different minerals in space. Others, however, dissagree. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #minerals #space #dissagree
Currently, with the advancement of astrogation technology, many scientists are encouraged to study
materials
 in
space
 by citizens.
In contrast
, some people think that researchers are wasting time and finances to find an undetected object.
Hence
, they have a disagreeing trend. In
this
 essay, i wholeheartedly approve of the first statement and give solutions from opposite aspects. To commence with
human
Add an article
a human
the human
show examples
 dream, a vast of humans want to explore another planet for research about new ingredients.
Moreover
, many outstanding scientists show that newly transformed
materials
 can contribute energy to campaign travel in
space
 by light.
For instance
, almost all energy on the earth is exhausting and it requires humans to find a new core that can replace old power like diesel or gasoline. In terms of disadvantages in
this
 topic, the remaining people accept their opinion that studies about
space
 are slowly financing of nation. They think that research is unnecessary in real life.
However
, they usually concentrate on requests to the government to upgrade other systems
instead
 of developing
space
 technology.
For example
, the government should invest money in
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
show examples
 on genetics or climate change to recover the finances. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should pay expenses for
space
materials
 research. Because our planet is overpopulation.
Thus
, we need a new planet which is sustainable with humans and solve land and job problems.
To sum up
, it is worth finding new substantial in the universal to improve the quality of
materials
 on the earth.
Submitted by sharkblack2k7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Your introduction addresses the topic and presents both perspectives, but try to clearly state your own opinion in the introduction for better clarity.
specific
While you have provided examples, try to further elaborate on them with more details to solidify your argument.
language
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings present. Consider proof-reading your essay or using grammar checking tools.
coherence
Work on the flow between your paragraphs to ensure a smoother transition. This helps to maintain coherence and cohesion, making your essay easier to follow.
language
Ensure you use a mix of sentence structures and avoid repetition to improve readability and engagement.
task response
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for discussing both views.
task response
Your essay includes relevant examples which support your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!