IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that is worth researching different minerals in space. Others, however, dissagree. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #minerals #space #dissagree
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Currently, with the advancement of astrogation technology, many scientists are encouraged to study
materials
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 in
space
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 by citizens.
In contrast
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, some people think that researchers are wasting time and finances to find an undetected object.
Hence
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, they have a disagreeing trend. In
this
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 essay, i wholeheartedly approve of the first statement and give solutions from opposite aspects. To commence with
human
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a human
the human
show examples
 dream, a vast of humans want to explore another planet for research about new ingredients.
Moreover
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, many outstanding scientists show that newly transformed
materials
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 can contribute energy to campaign travel in
space
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 by light.
For instance
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, almost all energy on the earth is exhausting and it requires humans to find a new core that can replace old power like diesel or gasoline. In terms of disadvantages in
this
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 topic, the remaining people accept their opinion that studies about
space
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 are slowly financing of nation. They think that research is unnecessary in real life.
However
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, they usually concentrate on requests to the government to upgrade other systems
instead
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 of developing
space
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 technology.
For example
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, the government should invest money in
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
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 on genetics or climate change to recover the finances. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think
government
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the government
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 should pay expenses for
space
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materials
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 research. Because our planet is overpopulation.
Thus
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, we need a new planet which is sustainable with humans and solve land and job problems.
To sum up
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, it is worth finding new substantial in the universal to improve the quality of
materials
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 on the earth.
Submitted by sharkblack2k7 on

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general
Your introduction addresses the topic and presents both perspectives, but try to clearly state your own opinion in the introduction for better clarity.
specific
While you have provided examples, try to further elaborate on them with more details to solidify your argument.
language
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings present. Consider proof-reading your essay or using grammar checking tools.
coherence
Work on the flow between your paragraphs to ensure a smoother transition. This helps to maintain coherence and cohesion, making your essay easier to follow.
language
Ensure you use a mix of sentence structures and avoid repetition to improve readability and engagement.
task response
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is essential for discussing both views.
task response
Your essay includes relevant examples which support your points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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