IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter •say why he/she would not enjoy going to college •explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her •suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear John, I hope you are doing well. I am writing to share my ideas about whether you go to college or get a job. When it comes to attending a college, there are several dimensions you need to be concerned about.
Firstly
Linking Words
, paying a large amount of student loans should be a significant burden.
Secondly
Linking Words
, you do not have any backup to support your daily expenses, so you may have to get a part-time job, which occupies most of your learning time.
However
Linking Words
, I suggest that you get a job first and settle down readily, so you need not worry about these concerns. Entering a workplace is a key to enhancing the
overall
Linking Words
 of quality life. I know that you are good at the subjects of artificial intelligence and biology. AI or biological research and development companies perhaps suit you. Making a living first or pursuing an advanced degree is all good for you. No matter what your decision is, I will always support you. I look forward to hearing from you. Best Regards, Sherry

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the letter is good, but you can make your argument stronger by providing more specific reasons or elaborating on the points mentioned. For example, you can discuss the potential job market and opportunities more deeply.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea for better clarity and readability. This will help in making your letter more cohesive.
task achievement
To achieve a higher task response score, consider addressing potential counterarguments or concerns your friend might have about getting a job vs. going to college, and providing reassurance or solutions to those concerns.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are polite and appropriate for the context.
task achievement
Your writing tone is friendly and supportive, which suits the purpose of the letter excellently.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical nature
  • real-world experience
  • practical experience
  • professional network
  • financial independence
  • dynamic
  • on-the-job learning
  • creative industries
  • customer service
  • sectors
  • suitable
What to do next:
Look at other essays: