Some people believe that celebrating personal events is a waste of money. Others feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individuals and in society as a whole. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
it is relay a common belief in some people that if they celebrate personal
events
like birthdays, new jobs or gender reveal, it is a kind of waste
the money
.
overall
, we should respect this
belief from the people they think it is a waste
of money
of course and also
, we should not put our selves
in conflict or argue with them because maybe they see it like that for many reasons like the socioeconomic factor. we can ask the person Correct your spelling
ourselves
they
may attend any personal Correct word choice
if they
events
if they like to join or not, so we will not put them in an unlike situation.
on the other hand
, the celebrations in general, can bring the
joy and fun for the individuals they will attend Correct article usage
apply
to
and Change preposition
apply
as well as
it play an important role in the memory of the persons they celebrate or share the events
with him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
or
Correct word choice
apply
her
.
in my personal opinion, we live in a community where their point of view must be respected, Correct pronoun usage
apply
due to
their personal belief for
that it is something important for them, Change preposition
apply
i
believe that it is not a Change the capitalization
I
waste
of money
at all. for example
, some of the personal events
in my life that i
celebrated and shared Change the capitalization
I
it
with my relatives or friends it is something Correct pronoun usage
apply
i
can not forget even if I am getting old and it is saved in my memory until now Change the capitalization
I
due to
it was something Change preposition
because
mean full
for me.
Replace the word
meaningful
to sum up
, some individuals like to make planes and prepare gifts for personal events
that mean special moments for them such
as birthdays which is
common Correct subject-verb agreement
are
events
that people enjoy celebrating, and some they are see it as a waste
of money
and time.Submitted by llaora on
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task achievement
You provided perspectives on both sides of the issue and gave a personal opinion, which is important for Task Achievement. However, the examples given were somewhat limited. Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is somewhat logically structured, but it lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Improving the structure will make your essay easier to follow. Make sure to start with an introductory paragraph that presents the topic, and conclude with a summary and restatement of your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and should be more logically connected to the next. Transition signals are quite important to guide the reader through your argument smoothly. Work on improving these transitions.
language use
There were some grammatical errors and awkward sentences that affected clarity. Reviewing and practicing grammar can help improve the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
You addressed both views and provided your own opinion, which hits the task response criteria well.
task achievement
You made a valid point about how personal celebrations create lasting memories, supporting your opinion well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.