Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. SWhat are its causes, and what sollutions can be offered?
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
children
all over the world
are suffering from several health desorders
that once were relevant Correct your spelling
disorders
for
adults only. A main of Change preposition
to
such
illneses
is an overweight. In Correct your spelling
illnesses
illness
this
essay
I'll try to explain my vision Add a comma
essay,
on
health problems of Change preposition
of
modern
Add an article
the modern
world
and to
find some resolves.
Fix the infinitive
apply
Firstly
, the greatest cons and pros of our modern world
are technologies. On the one hand, they could make our lives much more easy
, Replace the words
easier
on the other
hand
they Add the comma(s)
hand,
are
reduce Unnecessary verb
apply
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
to get
up from Change preposition
of getting
comfortable
sofa more than for basic needs. Sitting at home you could Correct article usage
a comfortable
to
play Change the verb form
apply
a games
, Correct the article-noun agreement
games
a game
to
study Change the verb form
apply
trough
Zoom or Google Correct your spelling
through
meetings
, and Capitalize word
Meetings
to
order your lunch. A lot of Change the verb form
apply
children
are not getting out on account of preference
to communicate with Correct pronoun usage
their preference
there
friends through Replace the word
their
the
social networks.
Correct article usage
apply
Morover
, a lot of mothers have to work Correct your spelling
Moreover
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
job
to pursue Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
the
better level of daily life. It may be a reason for Correct article usage
a
redusing
of quantity of Correct your spelling
reducing
refusing
junk-food
Correct your spelling
junk food
eating
by their Wrong verb form
eaten
children
. Modern parents, despite of
high-technology helpers at home, have Change preposition
apply
no
enough time to take Correct your spelling
not
a
Correct article usage
apply
responsibillity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
their Change preposition
for
chikdren
diet and Correct your spelling
children
children's
life-style
.
And the Correct your spelling
lifestyle
last
argument, in my opinion, is the reducing
of Replace the word
reduction
quality
of affordable Correct article usage
the quality
grosseries
. They may contain a lot of fat, Correct your spelling
groceries
sugar
, not useful supplements. There are several countries in the Correct word choice
and sugar
world
that had
adopted the law of singing Wrong verb form
have
hurmful
food in the red sign, and Correct your spelling
harmful
the
healthy food in the green sign. These symbols Correct article usage
apply
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
an
aim to improve Correct article usage
apply
people
daily diet.
In conclusion, I want to summarize the most Change noun form
people's
hurmful
Correct your spelling
harmful
hurtful
children
habits: lack of movement and non-healthy daily diet with Change noun form
children's
high
caloric rate. So we need to fight with both of them. Social Correct article usage
a high
advertisment
on Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertising
most
popular internet sites about food, sport, and healthy Correct article usage
the most
life-stule
all over the Correct your spelling
lifestyles
world
may be very helpful.Submitted by anastasia on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your points and provide specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Currently, your essay presents ideas but lacks detailed support and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your language usage, particularly grammar and vocabulary. Ensure that sentences are clear and make grammatical sense. For instance, the phrase 'they are reduce necessity' should be corrected to 'they reduce the necessity'.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Transitions between ideas could be smoother. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea and develops it fully before moving on to the next.
task achievement
Try to address counter-arguments or different perspectives related to the topic to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Avoid informal expressions like 'I'll try to explain my vision', and try to maintain a formal tone throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The topic is relevant and you have addressed it with logical points.
task achievement
You have attempted to discuss different causes and solutions related to childhood obesity, which is relevant to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes the points made in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.