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Band 4

In many countries, women and men both work full-time. It is logical for men and women to share household chores equally (eg. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #women #men #work #household #chores #eg #children
With a rising sense of gender equality globally, people from all over the world start to share the housework evenly between the two
sex
Fix the agreement mistake
sexes
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. Some assert that it is a plausible action to
relief
Replace the word
relieve
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 women's pressure in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others believe it is
female's
Correct article usage
a female's
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liablity
Correct your spelling
liability
 to keep a house clean and tidy for families. I would firmly support the first idea and explain
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 the following essay. First and foremost, there is limited biological difference and social inequality between the two genders. Women and men share similar
society
Replace the word
social
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role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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 to
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a decent job,
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
Correct your spelling
financial
finincial
Correct your spelling
financial
 support,
Submitted by cyh000823 on

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is a good start but needs slight improvement for clarity. The first sentence could be more concise. Consider rephrasing to: "With a rising sense of gender equality globally, housework is increasingly being shared between men and women."
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity and coherence, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument with relevant examples and detailed explanations.
task achievement
Introduce specific examples or data to support your points. For instance, mention countries or studies that show the benefits of shared household chores.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is clear and well-stated. Supporting gender equality is a relevant and contemporary issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay flows relatively well, and the introduction and conclusion are present, which enhances readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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