It is important to give children an opportunity to become independent and make decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People hold distinctive opinions regarding a debate which is linked to
youngsters
Correct word choice
whether youngsters
show examples
should be self-sufficient or not. Some people claim that
children
should be independent and make their own decisions,
while
others think that kids should not be independent. In my opinion,
athough
Correct your spelling
although
though
there are plausible arguments to support
this
perspective, there are
also
reasons to disagree with it. The major reason why some people are in favour of the
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
of
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
is that they have a chance to gain a variety of knowledge and
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
about
life
and their
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, they can recognise themselves and they gain many skills
such
as problem-solving, social connections, and increased brain function.
Furthermore
, with the beneficial effects of these skills, they can
also
have a successful business and family
life
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
light of
this
reality, kids who grow up independently can live a fulfilling
life
in the long run because of the freedom of expression and decision.
For instance
, a child who is interested in nature can be a naturalist when he or she
grow
Change the verb form
grows
show examples
up.
In contrast
to the argument clarified above, there is
also
a significant reason to be against the idea that
children
should be independent and make decisions from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age. The attitudes of
parents
towards their
children
vary from one culture to another.
Besides
, every
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
to see their
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be the best in their school or business
life
;
therefore
, they share their own experiences with their
children
.
Parents
and
children
should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
collaborate with each other and
parents
should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
create awareness about
life
.
To conclude
, having elucidated both perspectives, I think it can be concluded that ignoring the vital points claimed by any of the two sides above would result in undesirable circumstances.
Submitted by sevdetekin17 on

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coherence cohesion
Be sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your stance throughout the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. Examples make your arguments stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically throughout the essay. This will improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
Be careful with spelling and grammar errors. Even small mistakes can distract the reader and detract from your overall message.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for structuring your essay.
task achievement
You present arguments for both perspectives, showing a balanced approach to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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