NOWADAYS MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE HOLD THE IMPORTANT POSITIONS IN THE GOVERNMENT.SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS A GOOD THING, WHILE OTHERS ARGUE THAT IT IS NOT SUITABLE. DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

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Holding a high rank in a government is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
easy task.I will discuss the positive vibes of governing by
youth
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
the negative vibes at the same time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
giving my own opinion. Imperative positions should be taken by
youth
Use synonyms
as some
people
Use synonyms
wish
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they are more efficient when
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
compared to adults.Their physical fitness is better as they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
have
non communicable
Add a hyphen
non-communicable
show examples
diseases like diabetes, hypertension and many more.
Also
Linking Words
, their mental fitness is favourable for governing as they can cope with more social services by themselves and their capacity to
coverup
Correct your spelling
cover
show examples
the community as a whole is
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
stronger than seniors.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
generation knows the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
of their colleagues more than older
people
Use synonyms
.They can understand the suggestions and ideas of
youth
Use synonyms
easily as they are going through the same.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,there is a part of the community that
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
the opposite of
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
phenomenon.They express that
youth
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
less life experience when
compares
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to adults and sometimes they will miss the practical solutions because of that.
Additionally
Linking Words
,emotional decisions can be taken by young
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
influence
Correct article usage
the influence
show examples
of their hormonal drive. To
further
Linking Words
strengthen
this
Linking Words
view,they say that
matured
Replace the word
mature
show examples
people
Use synonyms
can understand both
feelings
Correct article usage
the feelings
show examples
of young and old as they have gone through their life journey to
more
Fix the agreement mistake
a greater
show examples
extent
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
youngsters.But not the other way around as young
does
Verb problem
people are
show examples
not familiar with the
heart beat
Correct your spelling
heartbeat
show examples
of seniors. In my opinion,Both of these generations should work hand in hand for
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
sector
while
Linking Words
covering up each
othes
Correct your spelling
others
other
loopwholes
Correct your spelling
loopholes
loop wholes
for
betterment
Add an article
the betterment
show examples
of the nation.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Although
Linking Words
the community expect two different
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
of governing arms,
mixture
Add an article
a mixture
the mixture
show examples
of all age groups should come to
controling
Correct your spelling
control
parties for
successful
Correct article usage
the successful
show examples
development of the country.
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

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task achievement
To improve, try to include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your language use and minimizing grammatical errors. Small inaccuracies can affect the overall readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You can benefit from improving the range and accuracy of your vocabulary. Currently, some phrases and word choices are somewhat repetitive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are presented, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured, making it easy to follow the writer's line of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovative solutions
  • Modern policies
  • Adequately represented
  • Viewpoints and issues
  • High energy levels
  • Adaptability
  • Complex political landscape
  • Impulsive decisions
  • Undue influence
  • Susceptible to pressure
  • Seasoned colleagues
  • Lobbyists
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