NOWADAYS MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE HOLD THE IMPORTANT POSITIONS IN THE GOVERNMENT.SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS A GOOD THING, WHILE OTHERS ARGUE THAT IT IS NOT SUITABLE. DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION
Holding a high rank in a government is not
a
easy task.I will discuss the positive vibes of governing by Change the article
an
youth
as well as
the negative vibes at the same time,
Remove the comma
apply
while
giving my own opinion.
Imperative positions should be taken by youth
as some people
wish,
because they are more efficient when Remove the comma
apply
we
compared to adults.Their physical fitness is better as they Correct pronoun usage
apply
dont
have Correct your spelling
don't
non communicable
diseases like diabetes, hypertension and many more. Add a hyphen
non-communicable
Also
, their mental fitness is favourable for governing as they can cope with more social services by themselves and their capacity to coverup
the community as a whole is Correct your spelling
cover
more
stronger than seniors.Change the word
apply
Furthermore
, new
generation knows the Correct article usage
the new
need
of their colleagues more than older Fix the agreement mistake
needs
people
.They can understand the suggestions and ideas of youth
easily as they are going through the same.
On the other hand
,there is a part of the community that think
the opposite of Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
above
phenomenon.They express that Correct article usage
the above
youth
has
less life experience when Correct subject-verb agreement
have
compares
to adults and sometimes they will miss the practical solutions because of that.Wrong verb form
compared
Additionally
,emotional decisions can be taken by young people
due to
influence
of their hormonal drive. To Correct article usage
the influence
further
strengthen this
view,they say that matured
Replace the word
mature
people
can understand both feelings
of young and old as they have gone through their life journey to Correct article usage
the feelings
more
extent Fix the agreement mistake
a greater
that
youngsters.But not the other way around as young Correct word choice
than
does
not familiar with the Verb problem
people are
heart beat
of seniors.
In my opinion,Both of these generations should work hand in hand for Correct your spelling
heartbeat
state
sector Correct article usage
the state
while
covering up each othes
Correct your spelling
others
other
loopwholes
for Correct your spelling
loopholes
loop wholes
betterment
of the nation.
Add an article
the betterment
To sum up
,Although
the community expect two different kind
of governing arms,Change to a plural noun
kinds
mixture
of all age groups should come toAdd an article
a mixture
the mixture
controling
parties for Correct your spelling
control
successful
development of the country.Correct article usage
the successful
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task achievement
To improve, try to include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your language use and minimizing grammatical errors. Small inaccuracies can affect the overall readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You can benefit from improving the range and accuracy of your vocabulary. Currently, some phrases and word choices are somewhat repetitive.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are presented, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically structured, making it easy to follow the writer's line of thought.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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