successful sports professionals can earn a great amount of money than other people of important professions.some think this is fully justified while other say it is unfair.discuss both views and give opinion
In many areas,
sports
achievers are considered highly
paid professionals than ones in some vital sectors. Controversially, Correct quantifier usage
more highly
this
has been arguing
by some individuals that it is completely equitable, Wrong verb form
argued
whereas
vice versa, it is not. From my point of view, I partly agree with the first opinion, while
slightly consent
to the second viewpoint. The below passages will dive deeply into both these points and explain reasons for my view of thinking.
On the one hand, I would Wrong verb form
consenting
debate
that it ought not to be really unfair in terms of the high payment of the Verb problem
argue
sports
professionals compared to others. This
belief stems from the fact that many consume their entire youth, blood, sweat and tears in order to gain back the national pride. To be more understandably
, there are underlying costs, Change the word
understandable
for example
, enormous strain and higher risks of injuries due to
major expectations, significant media attentions
, Fix the agreement mistake
attention
unforeseen
incidents,... it is totally Correct word choice
and unforeseen
the
contrary to the desirable appearance. To illustrate my reckoning, a gifted Vietnamese national swimming athlete called Anh Vien, who has around 10 years of Change the article
apply
experiences
with uncountable triumphs, received huge disappointments from various citizens across the country when failed at Fix the agreement mistake
experience
2020
Summer Olympics. In short, in exchange for their health, time, the efforts in need for Correct article usage
the 2020
maintaining
their records and the unimaginable stress in comparison to other sectors, I would consider it Wrong verb form
maintain
is
quite justified.
Unnecessary verb
apply
On the other hand
, from my one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
another
perspective, it is Correct quantifier usage
apply
also
slightly inequitable since those crucial occupations like doctors, teachers, or architects tend to have fewer figures of salaries, despite same
Correct article usage
the same
devotions
given towards the enlargement of the state. In fact, those jobs might not require any Fix the agreement mistake
devotion
particularly
physical power, Change the word
particular
instead
, more brainpower and the competence to accurately engage with scholastic insights. Plus, there may be a possibility that those areas, altogether
with numerous Rephrase
together
sports
fields, actually share relatively tantamount periods of time or even longer in training, studying and seeking for experiences. In other words
, having the same specialized levels in different jobs, yet achieving less
chances than your authentic ability could fade the passion away dramatically and Change the quantifier
fewer
as a result
, possibly putting
an end to your path of career.
In conclusion, every single job has its own distinct role and obstructions in the journey of thriving our nations of origin. Wrong verb form
put
However
, from my mentioned expression, it is clearly
that Change the word
clear
sports
professionals should have much higher wages as they encounter a series of extreme challenges with regard to both physicality and mentality owing to the whole country’s desire to observe victories. Nevertheless
, the rest of other
essential fields’ amounts of coins Correct article usage
the other
is
not quite balanced with the enthusiasm that the employees submitted.Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, clear main idea to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Work on reducing grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay discusses both views and provides a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which provide structure to the essay.
coherence cohesion
The writer makes an effort to use linking words and phrases to connect ideas.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.