Technology allows food to be produced in greater quantities at lower prices. Some people believe this is a positive development, while others feel that the change is harmful. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.
Certain
number of people believe that the technology producing great products at lower Change the article
A certain
The certain
prices
is a positive outcome and others believe that these could do more harm than good. In this
essay
I will discuss both my views and will state my own Add a comma
essay,
view point
.
On one hand, world poverty and starvation Correct your spelling
viewpoint
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
sky rocketed
in the modern century. There are people surviving under starvation in Correct your spelling
skyrocketed
this
globalized economy. For
example
countries dealing with civil war and Add a comma
example,
corruptions
lose the value of their currency which leads to inflation of their market. The lower Fix the agreement mistake
corruption
prices
and greater quantity could help them to initially
offset malnutrition while
they build up their economy.
On the other hand
, greater quantities at lower prices
is
detrimental to the well-developed economies local market. The competition from cheaper Change the verb form
are
prices
could eventually lead to Correct article usage
the bankruptcy
bankruptcy
of major companies. Correct article usage
the bankruptcy
In addition
, the standards and quality regarding the nutrition values have to be investigated thoroughly to prevent harmful and lower quality additives entering the food market that are covering up with lower price points.
In my conclusion, I believe that great quantities at lower prices
could eventually help to sustain for a short term to battle economic conflicts but however
if standards are properly maintained it could become a great mainstream permanent solution.Add a comma
however,
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advice
Your essay addresses the topic well and covers both sides of the argument, which is essential. However, there are some areas that need improvement:
1. Introduction and Thesis Statement: Your introduction would benefit from a clearer thesis statement. Clearly state what your essay will discuss and your overall point of view.
2. Clarity and Specificity: While your ideas are good, some points could be clearer. Give more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. For instance, instead of just mentioning countries with civil war and corruption, name a specific country to make your point stronger.
3. Grammar and Sentence Structure: There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, "certain number of people" should be "a certain number of people." Improving these aspects will make your essay easier to read and more professional.
4. Conclusion: Your conclusion should restate your main points more clearly and directly relate back to the thesis statement.
Implementing these changes will help improve your score overall. Keep practicing!
positive
You have shown a good understanding of the topic and managed to discuss both sides of the issue.
positive
The essay is logically structured, with paragraphs dedicated to each argument, which helps in maintaining coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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