Some countries have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Some argue that wealthier
countries
should Use synonyms
support
poor ones. I Use synonyms
strongely
agree with Correct your spelling
strongly
this
idea. I will explain Linking Words
reasons
.
Correct article usage
the reasons
Firstly
, Linking Words
corporation
between the former and the latter is essential for global safety. Correct your spelling
cooperation
This
needs every nation to cooperate because global security matters Linking Words
everyone
Change preposition
to everyone
such
as climate change. Linking Words
This
can be seen in the pandemic, Linking Words
better-off
states contributed vaccines to Rephrase
where better-off
the
remote areas Correct article usage
apply
such
as Africa, resulting in Linking Words
majority
of the poor Add an article
the majority
a majority
population
being immune from the virus. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, the new kind of disease is multinational Linking Words
which
could transfer internationally, so if wealthy Correct word choice
and
countries
reject to Use synonyms
support
the latter to provide medical Use synonyms
support
, they would be infected again because Use synonyms
virus
will upgrade in the poor Add an article
the virus
population
Use synonyms
Secondly
, it is wise for better-off nations to Linking Words
support
poor Use synonyms
countries
because of human rights. As there Use synonyms
is
3 billion Correct subject-verb agreement
are
population
without one of these: food , water and shelter. The advanced Use synonyms
countries
can aid the poor with basic needs Use synonyms
such
as essentials, education and prevention from injustice. Linking Words
This
can be seen in refugee camps in Kuala Lumpur where children can access Linking Words
to
primary education. Change preposition
apply
However
, the poor in the latter should be Linking Words
independant
. They cannot always depend on foreigners. Their own government Correct your spelling
independent
excutives
the available resources to rescue the poor Correct your spelling
executives
population
.
In conclusion, it is beneficial for wealthier Use synonyms
countries
to keep Use synonyms
the
poor Correct article usage
apply
countries
safe and stable. They can resolve the short-term problems in Use synonyms
the
poor Correct article usage
apply
countries
Use synonyms
such
as medical Linking Words
emergency
, Fix the agreement mistake
emergencies
however
, they cannot address poverty in Linking Words
long
run.Correct article usage
the long
Submitted by shaobo_xu on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your task response is generally good. You answered all parts of the question effectively and provided relevant examples. However, some points could be more developed for clarity. For instance, the idea of global safety could be elaborated with more specific examples beyond the pandemic.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Some of your transitions, like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly,' are effective, but the concluding points could benefit from a clearer link. For example, the point about human rights could be tied more directly to the argument for support from richer countries.
language
There are several minor grammatical and spelling errors such as 'corporation' instead of 'cooperation' and 'independant' instead of 'independent.' Ensure to proofread to avoid these mistakes. They do not affect the meaning drastically but can interrupt the flow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is straightforward and clearly states your position on the topic, which is a positive start.
supported main points
You've used relevant examples to support your ideas, such as the COVID-19 pandemic and vaccination efforts.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite