Some countries have become much richer than others. Richer countries should now help poorer countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some argue that wealthier
countries
should
support
poor ones. I
strongely
Correct your spelling
strongly
agree with
this
idea. I will explain
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
.
Firstly
,
corporation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
between the former and the latter is essential for global safety.
This
needs every nation to cooperate because global security matters
everyone
Change preposition
to everyone
show examples
such
as climate change.
This
can be seen in the pandemic,
better-off
Rephrase
where better-off
show examples
states contributed vaccines to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote areas
such
as Africa, resulting in
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
of the poor
population
being immune from the virus.
Furthermore
, the new kind of disease is multinational
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
could transfer internationally, so if wealthy
countries
reject to
support
the latter to provide medical
support
, they would be infected again because
virus
Add an article
the virus
show examples
will upgrade in the poor
population
Secondly
, it is wise for better-off nations to
support
poor
countries
because of human rights. As there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
3 billion
population
without one of these: food , water and shelter. The advanced
countries
can aid the poor with basic needs
such
as essentials, education and prevention from injustice.
This
can be seen in refugee camps in Kuala Lumpur where children can access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
primary education.
However
, the poor in the latter should be
independant
Correct your spelling
independent
. They cannot always depend on foreigners. Their own government
excutives
Correct your spelling
executives
the available resources to rescue the poor
population
. In conclusion, it is beneficial for wealthier
countries
to keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
countries
safe and stable. They can resolve the short-term problems in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
countries
such
as medical
emergency
Fix the agreement mistake
emergencies
show examples
,
however
, they cannot address poverty in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
run.
Submitted by shaobo_xu on

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task achievement
Your task response is generally good. You answered all parts of the question effectively and provided relevant examples. However, some points could be more developed for clarity. For instance, the idea of global safety could be elaborated with more specific examples beyond the pandemic.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Some of your transitions, like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly,' are effective, but the concluding points could benefit from a clearer link. For example, the point about human rights could be tied more directly to the argument for support from richer countries.
language
There are several minor grammatical and spelling errors such as 'corporation' instead of 'cooperation' and 'independant' instead of 'independent.' Ensure to proofread to avoid these mistakes. They do not affect the meaning drastically but can interrupt the flow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is straightforward and clearly states your position on the topic, which is a positive start.
supported main points
You've used relevant examples to support your ideas, such as the COVID-19 pandemic and vaccination efforts.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial assistance
  • technological assistance
  • economic gap
  • basic needs
  • healthcare
  • education
  • infrastructure
  • global stability
  • diplomatic relations
  • global cooperation
  • dependency
  • self-sufficiency
  • strings attached
  • political decisions
  • economic decisions
  • sovereignty
  • tension
  • mismanagement
  • corruption
  • intended purpose
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