Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals think that spending
money
on exploring outer space is a total waste of money
. Instead
, governments
should well utilize the money
on something that can bring benefits to the country. I agree that the governments
should prioritize this
colossal amount of money
on improving citizen’s
quality of life and utilize funds to bestead our Fix the agreement mistake
citizens’
earth
.
Firstly
, the governments
should use funds to help people
who are in need of money
and change their life quality. For example
, many people
in the world die from curable diseases because they can not afford the medical fee, thus
, money
can be used to pay for required treatments to save their lives. Moreover
, there are people
who suffer from having no clean water in remote regions because they do not have knowledge and funds. Governments
should send people
and financial aid to avail
them to dig wells or build facilities that can store water.
Verb problem
enable
Money
should be used to make people
’s lives better.
Secondly
, money
should be utilized to build a better planet. Studies showed that forest fires happened more frequently and on a larger scale than ever before owing to deforestation. Therefore
, funding is necessary for both reforestation and in
the prevention of flooding, meanwhile, decreasing the possibility of wildfire. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, investing money
in research for finding solutions for pollutions that we have done to the earth
, such
as water pollution and air pollution. If we find solutions to these problems, we can have a cleaner earth
to live on.
Some people
may argue that space exploration is necessary because we might need another planet to live on someday. However
, I reckon this
is an impractical idea because we might not be able to see the result in our lifetime. In conclusion, governments
should pay more attention and money
to people
’s well-being and focus on the earth
we are living on right now and take good care of it rather than seeking something unreachable and unknown.Submitted by wendy190427 on
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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by acknowledging potential benefits of space exploration, even if you ultimately disagree. This would strengthen your argument and show that you have considered multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. This will improve the overall cohesion and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all supporting sentences relate directly to this topic sentence. This will enhance the coherence of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples that help support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, and your ideas are clearly presented in a logical sequence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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