IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #space #exploration #waste #governments #benefit #nation
Some individuals think that spending
money
 on exploring outer space is a total waste of
money
.
Instead
,
governments
 should well utilize the
money
 on something that can bring benefits to the country. I agree that the
governments
 should prioritize
this
 colossal amount of
money
 on improving
citizen’s
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens’
show examples
 quality of life and utilize funds to bestead our
earth
.
Firstly
, the
governments
 should use funds to help
people
 who are in need of
money
 and change their life quality.
For example
, many
people
 in the world die from curable diseases because they can not afford the medical fee,
thus
,
money
 can be used to pay for required treatments to save their lives.
Moreover
, there are
people
 who suffer from having no clean water in remote regions because they do not have knowledge and funds.
Governments
 should send
people
 and financial aid to
avail
Verb problem
enable
show examples
 them to dig wells or build facilities that can store water.
Money
 should be used to make
people
’s lives better.
Secondly
,
money
 should be utilized to build a better planet. Studies showed that forest fires happened more frequently and on a larger scale than ever before owing to deforestation.
Therefore
, funding is necessary for both reforestation and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the prevention of flooding, meanwhile, decreasing the possibility of wildfire.
Moreover
, investing
money
 in research for finding solutions for pollutions that we have done to the
earth
,
such
 as water pollution and air pollution. If we find solutions to these problems, we can have a cleaner
earth
 to live on. Some
people
 may argue that space exploration is necessary because we might need another planet to live on someday.
However
, I reckon
this
 is an impractical idea because we might not be able to see the result in our lifetime. In conclusion,
governments
 should pay more attention and
money
 to
people
’s well-being and focus on the
earth
 we are living on right now and take good care of it rather than seeking something unreachable and unknown.
Submitted by wendy190427 on

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view by acknowledging potential benefits of space exploration, even if you ultimately disagree. This would strengthen your argument and show that you have considered multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. This will improve the overall cohesion and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all supporting sentences relate directly to this topic sentence. This will enhance the coherence of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples that help support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, and your ideas are clearly presented in a logical sequence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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