Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?
In
this
Linking Words
modernization
world, Replace the word
modern
televison
has been playing a major role in all Correct your spelling
television
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
life
. Some Fix the agreement mistake
lives
persons
Replace the word
people
thought
, it Wrong verb form
think
will
ruin the leisure Wrong verb form
would
time
of many individuals Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
put them Correct word choice
and also
in
lethargic and isolated from others. I strongly disagree with Change preposition
apply
statement
by giving the Correct determiner usage
this statement
below mentioned
points.
Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
Initially
, most Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
Use synonyms
are watching
Wrong verb form
watch
television
because it Use synonyms
will update
all the information and Wrong verb form
updates
delivered
Wrong verb form
delivers
to
the public. Correct pronoun usage
it to
Moreover
, Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
change
in Fix the agreement mistake
changes
lifestyle
most Add a comma
lifestyle,
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
are feeling stressed Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
this
present world Linking Words
due to
family issues and financial problems. Linking Words
Television
is Use synonyms
playing
one of Verb problem
apply
stress
buster for Correct article usage
the stress
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
. To illustrate, Use synonyms
my
country Change preposition
in my
lot
of entertaining Correct article usage
a lot
programme
are Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
telecasting
Verb problem
broadcast
in
Change preposition
on
televisions
and Fix the agreement mistake
television
people
Use synonyms
are watching
with their family during their free Wrong verb form
watch
time
. At Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
time
they may feel unity Use synonyms
solidarity
.
Correct word choice
and solidarity
In addition
Linking Words
to
, Change preposition
apply
television
will broadcast all events in the world. Use synonyms
Whereas
, children Linking Words
are watching
Wrong verb form
watch
quizz
programmes and cartoons. Correct your spelling
quiz
Thus
, kids will get more knowledge and they feel Linking Words
delight
and they Change the verb form
delighted
don't
Correct your spelling
won't
distrub
Correct your spelling
disturb
parents
after their school Correct pronoun usage
their parents
time
Use synonyms
complete
. Add a missing verb
is complete
Furthermore
, technology has developed tremendously, it has Linking Words
resulted
a Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
lot
advanced Add the preposition
lot of
television
Use synonyms
introduced
Add a missing verb
being introduced
in to
the market. Join the words
into
Therefore
, Linking Words
lot
of families are procuring LED Correct article usage
a lot
Television
and home theatre for entertainment and Use synonyms
enjoying
.
Replace the word
enjoyment
To sum up
, Linking Words
television
is one of good scientific Use synonyms
invention
. It can prevent Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
from loneliness and Use synonyms
eredicate
Correct your spelling
eradicate
the
depression. Whilst, Correct article usage
apply
people
should Use synonyms
spent
limited Change the verb form
spend
time
Use synonyms
for
watching Change preposition
apply
television
. Use synonyms
Linking Words
Otherwise
their health and mind will lose their Add a comma
Otherwise,
hygine
. All the inventions are to help the Correct your spelling
hygiene
people
and enhance the life Use synonyms
television
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
like
Change preposition
apply
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
improve and Fix the infinitive
apply
estabilish
Correct your spelling
establish
the
public life.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by smsundaram57 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Grammar
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to make your writing clearer and more precise.
Task Response
Develop more specific examples and elaborate more on how television helps mitigate stress and loneliness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively.
Introduction
The essay's introduction is clear, and you state your disagreement with the prompt clearly.
Conclusion
The conclusion nicely wraps up the essay by summarizing your main points and restating your stance.
Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt well, discussing both the informative and entertaining roles of television.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example