IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that taking care of the environment is the responsibility of individuals but others think that it is the responsibility of the government. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #care #environment #responsibility #individuals #government
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
people
Use synonyms
 are more responsible for saving their
environment
Use synonyms
 than the
government
Use synonyms
. I believe that,
While
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 have an impact on their
environment
Use synonyms
, the
government
Use synonyms
 can prevent environmental pollution by making some laws. On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 do not pay attention to their local nature. It means that they dump their garbage or cigarettes in nature. It is important to try to have a clear earth.
For example
Linking Words
, they can decrease the
use
Use synonyms
 of plastics. It means that when they want to go shopping, they can take paper bags for their purchase.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most communities
use
Use synonyms
 their own cars, which can cause air pollution. It is suggested that using public transportation has more benefits for having clean surroundings, Not only are they comfortable, but
also
Linking Words
 they are convenient.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 could have a better impact on society by having
clean
Add an article
a clean
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
, as they can make some rules for factories and force them to accept that.
For example
Linking Words
, factories have to
use
Use synonyms
 less toxic materials,
such
Linking Words
 as pesticides.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it could be more beneficial for our places, if they used renewable energy,
such
Linking Words
 as solar or wind. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, they can reduce the
use
Use synonyms
 of fossil fuels.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can
use
Use synonyms
 recyclable materials for their production, and motivate ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 more
such
Linking Words
 materials. In conclusion, I can understand why some
people
Use synonyms
 think
people
Use synonyms
 are responsible for
this
Linking Words
 issue,
however
Linking Words
, I believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 has more impact on the
environment
Use synonyms
. Not only, could it save our
environment
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 it can control the factories' production.
Submitted by pooya.olad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure you clearly differentiate between the two views in your introduction to make your essay more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs to make your response more cohesive.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples and details.
task achievement
Elaborate on the impact of individual actions versus government policies to make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You have presented both views on the topic effectively.
task achievement
The use of practical examples like reducing plastic use and renewable energy sources adds value to your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: