IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#uk #time #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The table illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how the staff in the United Kingdom
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
in
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 year.
Overall
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have shown
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 how they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their daily life and what they
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
.
There
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
also
 provide
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 about what they do and
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of data.
firstly
,
comparison
Change preposition
in comparison
show examples
 between the
men
 in the morning and
women
 in the morning for housework, the latter
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is significantly higher than
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 they are 49% and 19% respectively. But for the Gardening work
men
 are dramatically more 12%
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
women
 it is 14%. So, for the staying in bed is totally similar between two genders it is 8% respectively.
Secondly
, for the afternoon
women
are remain
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 who contribute to the housework it is 21% and it higher than
men
. And, for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gardening, as the morning
men
 are more dedicated than
women
 it is 13% but it
low
Wrong verb form
is lower
show examples
 than
morning
Correct article usage
the morning
show examples
 that they did.
Finally
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
women
 who
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 in bed and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 is completely 0% which means
that is
 not the
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
.
Submitted by haixiuxiaonini on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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