Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.
Nowadays,
while
some university
students
tend to educate other subjects in addition
to main
subjects others opine that it is Correct article usage
the main
essensial
to give all energy to studying for a qualification. In my opinion, the Correct your spelling
essential
fisrt
view contains some more inherent advantages than the second.
Correct your spelling
first
Firstly
, university
students
should try to be useful for
all Change preposition
to
society
. Change preposition
of society
For instance
, medical students
can study extra fields like innovations in precision medicine, which tailors treatment to individual genetic profiles, and regenerative medicine, which employs stem cell technology to repair damaged tissues, eptiomize
Correct your spelling
epitomize
epitomizes
epitomized
the
cutting-edge progress. Correct article usage
apply
Furtheremore
, the integration of artificial intelligence in diagnostics and robotic surgery has Correct your spelling
Furthermore
revolutionaized
patient care, ensuring unprecedented accuracy and efficiency. Correct your spelling
revolutionised
Therefore
, medical students
could promote their breackthroughs
in other medical science.
On the flip side, if Correct your spelling
breakthroughs
breakthrough
students
only tend to get good scores and then
to
pass Fix the infinitive
apply
university
, they definietly
waste all Correct your spelling
definitely
time
and Correct pronoun usage
their time
fund
because they follow Fix the agreement mistake
funds
a
unsuitable goal. Change the article
an
In contrast
, they can set a
high goals for them. Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
For example
, engineer
Replace the word
engineering
students
in addition
their
major can search and study Change preposition
to their
about
renewable energy sources which can play a vital role in reducing pollution and promoting sustainable growth like advances in solar, wind, and Change preposition
apply
hidroelectric
power that have decreased reliance on fossil fuels, thereby diminishing greenhouse gas emissions and air pollution. Correct your spelling
hydroelectric
Additionally
, these developments not only protect the environment but also
boost the economy by creating new jobs in the green sector.
In conclusion, after analysis both
of the Change preposition
of both
argumants
it is not hard to see that learning new Correct your spelling
arguments
argument
subject
by Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
university
students
have
brought ease and Correct subject-verb agreement
has
confort
Correct your spelling
comfort
for
society. Change preposition
to
However
, other students
ought to consider job
future Correct article usage
a job
compare
to only a good score.Wrong verb form
compared
Submitted by hs.abdolhay70 on
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coherence cohesion
Aim to improve the logical flow between your ideas and paragraphs. While your essay touches upon relevant points, it sometimes lacks smooth transitions and clarity. Work on using more cohesive devices like linking words and phrases to better connect your thoughts.
task achievement
Some ideas introduced in the essay need more detailed explanations. When you present examples, ensure they are deeply connected to the main argument and are elaborated thoroughly. Avoid vague statements and provide comprehensive reasoning for each point you make.
language accuracy
Pay attention to grammar, word choice, and spelling. Although minor errors won't heavily impact your score, frequent mistakes can distract the reader. For instance, ensure the correct spelling of words like 'essential,' 'first,' 'epitomize,' 'furthermore,' 'regenerative,' 'revolutionized,' 'breakthroughs,' 'flip side,' 'definitely,' and 'arguments.'
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear effort to address the prompt and offers valid arguments for both perspectives. This balanced approach is commendable and shows your ability to consider multiple viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined. It's evident that you understand the importance of framing your essay with these components, making your argument more robust and easier to follow.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as advancements in medicine and renewable energy, serves to illustrate your points effectively. These examples help ground your arguments in real-world applications.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?