IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These dats people are using the internet for shopping, work and to communicate with others without the need for face to face meetings. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the Morden era, there has been a long-standing debate about whether these days
people
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 are using the
internet
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 for shopping work and communicating with others without the need for face-to-face meetings. From my standpoint, it has a large percentage of advantages and disadvantages. First and foremost,
according to
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 the general public these days
people
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 are using the
Internet
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 for shopping, work and communicating.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 policy has a significant advantage because it can be used to encourage small business owners. It is easy to communicate with each other. If
students
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 can use learning decal subjects, they will learn very easily. The general public had been using a very long time only shopping. Use our
students
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' learning by the teacher.
On the other hand
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, if
people
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 were using the
internet
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, they would be added. Some
people
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 are using social media around.
Although
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students
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 are using social media for their knowledge
therefore
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 much time is spent on Facebook. It is not good for the future.
Students
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 neither leaned nor tried to do good things. If
people
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 use the
internet
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 many times they will be less healthy.
To conclude
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according to
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 my perspective we are using the
internet
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 good side. We have to get a good advantage. The government should pay special attention to avoiding bat websites. Everyone either uses the
internet
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 good side or not on the bad side

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coherence and cohesion
You should work on structuring your essay more clearly. Start with an introduction that addresses the topic and states your position. Follow this with distinct body paragraphs that each make a specific point, supported by relevant examples. Finish with a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your stance.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas more fully. For example, you mentioned that small business owners benefit from the internet, but didn't explain how. Providing detailed examples and explanations will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay does address the topic and presents both advantages and disadvantages of using the internet for shopping, work, and communication.
task achievement
You made a good attempt at discussing various aspects of the topic, such as the impact on students and small business owners.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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