In some countries,fast food restaurant and supermarkets give money to schools to promote their products.Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In some countries, fast
food
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restaurants and supermarkets offer Money to the
school
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for the
promotion
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of their product.In my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
  it is a negative development.
This
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essay
discuss
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discusses
show examples
negative development in detail
along with
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relevant
conclusion
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusions
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. On the one hand, the
school
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has a crucial role
to provide
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in providing
show examples
knowledge to the
children
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. But some people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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significantly use
this
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as a place to do
promotion
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.Which will distract the students from
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
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,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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will concentrate on
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promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
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programme. through the
advertise
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advertising
show examples
they share inappropriate content
to
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with
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the
children
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.
For example
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,Supermarkets sell their products
such
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as fairness cream,
hair
Correct word choice
and hair
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oil through
promotion
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. By watching
these
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this promotion
these promotions
show examples
promotion
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,Small
children
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start to use the products which resulting health issues like kidney disease.
Moreover
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, most products are not tested clinically.
Beside
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Besides
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,The
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
become addicted
in
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to
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junk
food
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, because
this
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is a delicious than home
food
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. Consuming junk
food
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regularly can cause cancer.
For example
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,a survey stated that,
The
Correct article usage
apply
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20
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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of
children
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on
Add a missing verb
are on
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cancer treatment
due to
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over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
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of junk
food
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.
Further
Linking Words
 
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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  leads to anxiety and  lack of concentration. through the
promotion
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,nowadays
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
have become a part of these problems. In conclusion, the
school
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should
promote
Verb problem
encourage
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children
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to study well, if they opt
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school
Change preposition
for school
show examples
as
Correct word choice
apply
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to make money through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
promotion
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,Which will negatively affect each of the students in the
school
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,
this
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will put the
children
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to big consequences.So
iam
Correct your spelling
I am
not supporting the statement .
Submitted by saniyasunny1848 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to make the essay clearer and more professional. Consider using complex sentences and varying sentence structures.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next and ideas are well connected.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Task Achievement
Expand on ideas with more detail and explanation. This will help in making your arguments clearer and more comprehensive.
Task Achievement
The essay has a clear stance on the topic and addresses the key points that support this view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphs are used to organize different points, which is good for readability.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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