Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
A lot of people all over the world spend
a
several hours daily Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
through out
social media Correct your spelling
throughout
for
Change preposition
to
connection
with others and keep abreast of events. I assume that implementation of Replace the word
connect
this
technology has both advantages and disadvantages, and to say
honest it's one of the paramount questions of modern psychology.
Let's start with Verb problem
be
advantages
. First of all - the transparent boards. Our huge world Correct article usage
the advantages
have been became
tiny. We can talk to our family members Wrong verb form
has become
that
have been living in Correct pronoun usage
who
the
other Correct article usage
apply
country
in real time and Fix the agreement mistake
countries
to
see them. We can work in Fix the infinitive
apply
the
international company, be at home, and arrange meetings with our colleagues from around the world. We can be aware of Correct article usage
an
last
news.
Correct word choice
the latest
On the other
hand
we can see plenty of disadvantages. Mainly Add a comma
hand,
of
Change preposition
apply
them
- nowadays addiction to Correct pronoun usage
apply
on-line
games and Correct your spelling
online
to
social media became Change preposition
apply
the
real health disorder Correct article usage
a
few
years ago. It Change the article
a few
have
been treated Change the verb form
has
as well as
other kinds of addiction (alcohol, drugs etc.). The communication skills of face-to-face companionship of young people have been
decreased sharply. Children have no abilities to develop Unnecessary verb
apply
self entertaining
off-line. Their mothers have no idea what to do with the childrenAdd a hyphen
self-entertaining
,
if a gadget is not working.
Remove the comma
apply
On
conclusion, I have to say that in my opinion, social media is very important and helpful, but we need to Change preposition
In
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
at
the consequences of overuse, and Change preposition
of
to
try to evade them.Fix the infinitive
apply
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task achievement
Try to provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific ways people use social media for work or the kinds of health issues related to social media addiction.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better. For example, use phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'In contrast,' to guide the reader through your argument.
general advice
A few grammatical errors are present that need correction. For example, 'a several hours' should be 'several hours,' and 'boards' should be 'borders.' Work on improving grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, which is important for setting up your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and emphasizes the balance you see between advantages and disadvantages.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.