Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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A lot of people all over the world spend
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun hours in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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several hours daily
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout

The word through out seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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social media
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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connection
Replace the word
connect

The word connection doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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with others and keep abreast of events. I assume that implementation of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

technology has both advantages and disadvantages, and to
say
Verb problem
be

There may be a verb use issue here.

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honest it's one of the paramount questions of modern psychology. Let's start with
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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. First of all - the transparent boards. Our huge world
have been became
Wrong verb form
has become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb have been became. Consider changing it.

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tiny. We can talk to our family members
that
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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have been living in
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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other
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries

It seems that country may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in real time and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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see them. We can work in
the
Correct article usage
an

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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international company, be at home, and arrange meetings with our colleagues from around the world. We can be aware of
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

last
Correct word choice
the latest

There may be an adjective issue here.

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news.
On the other
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

hand
Add a comma
hand,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase On the other hand. Consider adding a comma.

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we can see plenty of disadvantages. Mainly
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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- nowadays addiction to
on-line
Correct your spelling
online

The word on-line doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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games and
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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social media became
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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real health disorder
few
Change the article
a few

It appears that the phrase few years ago does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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years ago. It
have
Change the verb form
has

It appears that the subject pronoun It and the verb have are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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been treated
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

other kinds of addiction (alcohol, drugs etc.). The communication skills of face-to-face companionship of young people have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb been appears to be unnecessary here.

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decreased sharply. Children have no abilities to develop
self entertaining
Add a hyphen
self-entertaining

It appears that self entertaining is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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off-line. Their mothers have no idea what to do with the children
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker if. Consider removing the comma.

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if a gadget is not working.
On
Change preposition
In

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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conclusion, I have to say that in my opinion, social media is very important and helpful, but we need to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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at
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the consequences of overuse, and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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try to evade them.

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task achievement
Try to provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific ways people use social media for work or the kinds of health issues related to social media addiction.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better. For example, use phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'In contrast,' to guide the reader through your argument.
general advice
A few grammatical errors are present that need correction. For example, 'a several hours' should be 'several hours,' and 'boards' should be 'borders.' Work on improving grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, which is important for setting up your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and emphasizes the balance you see between advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global village
  • real-time communication
  • cyberbullying
  • digital marketing
  • networking
  • data breach
  • misinformation
  • social media platforms
  • user engagement
  • privacy settings
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • virtual relationships
  • infodemic
  • echo chamber
What to do next:
Look at other essays: