Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is clear that
being
Verb problem
bringing
criminals
into prison
is not the best way to understand their mistakes. Some people claim that the government should provide places for education as well as
job training to learn a lot of skills for finding good
career. I will explain Add an article
a good
this
idea and give my own opinion in further
paragraphsRephrase
apply
also
.
To begin
with , all of us know that prision
is not a suitable place to Correct your spelling
prison
putting
Change the form of the verb
put
criminals
. Since inmates learn about new and innovative methods of criminal conduct while
,
they are serving their Remove the comma
apply
prison
term. On the other hand
, if they become
Verb problem
go
in
Change preposition
to
prison
, they can help their family members . Hence
, their families have
not any Add a missing verb
do have
supporter
for their lives. Replace the word
support
In addition
, they can not work and gain money
.Thus
, their children have
not Add a missing verb
do have
money
to continue their lives. Correct determiner usage
enough money
As a consequence
, they may do
crimes and repeat the cycle of Verb problem
commit
criminals
in the
society. So , in my Correct article usage
apply
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
prison
has a negative affect
on society's health.
Correct your spelling
effect
According
to Change preposition
Regarding
prison
's problems , I agree to create some facilities for job training and make
an opportunity situation for Verb problem
create
criminals
. For instance
, governments should teach them according to
their abilities and expand to find a good job for earning
Change preposition
to earn
money
.In the meantime, On the one hand , they become conscious and on the other hand
, they can gain money
and have a comfortable life. Hence
, they do not any crimes.
To explain furthermore
, there are many people that Capitalize word
Furthermore
develope
some places for Correct your spelling
develop
criminals
such
as ,
charity. In Remove the comma
apply
this
place , a manager find
these Change the verb form
finds
criminals
and berings
them together. Correct your spelling
bring
brings
Then
, detect their talents and provide special facilities for them to learn advanced works. So , they explore their own skills and use in
a positive direction.
Correct pronoun usage
them in
To sum up
, prison
can not be a perfect place for every criminal due to
Correct article usage
the lose
lose
Replace the word
loss
their
opportunities. It is my notion that they can be beneficial for Change preposition
of their
the
society Correct article usage
apply
as well as
their own families by learn
something Change the verb form
learning
according to
their abilities.Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on
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clarity
Improve the clarity of your arguments. In some parts, the ideas are a bit vague or not well-articulated. For example, when mentioning the alternative options for criminals, be more specific about how they lead to positive outcomes.
grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. There are several sentences that could be made clearer and more concise. Pay attention to articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreements.
structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Some paragraphs lack focus, making it harder to follow your argument. Stick to one main idea per paragraph and elaborate on it thoroughly.
task response
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion.
task response
Good attempt to provide reasons and examples to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, making the essay easier to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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