Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is clear that
Linking Words
being
Verb problem
bringing
criminals
into Use synonyms
prison
is not the best way to understand their mistakes. Some people claim that the government should provide places for education Use synonyms
as well as
job training to learn a lot of skills for finding Linking Words
good
career. I will explain Add an article
a good
this
idea and give my own opinion in Linking Words
further
paragraphsLinking Words
Rephrase
apply
also
.
Linking Words
To begin
with , all of us know that Linking Words
prision
is not a suitable place to Correct your spelling
prison
putting
Change the form of the verb
put
criminals
. Since inmates learn about new and innovative methods of criminal conduct Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
,
they are serving their Remove the comma
apply
prison
term. Use synonyms
On the other hand
, if they Linking Words
become
Verb problem
go
in
Change preposition
to
prison
, they can help their family members . Use synonyms
Hence
, their families Linking Words
have
not any Add a missing verb
do have
supporter
for their lives. Replace the word
support
In addition
, they can not work and gain Linking Words
money
.Use synonyms
Thus
, their children Linking Words
have
not Add a missing verb
do have
Use synonyms
money
to continue their lives. Correct determiner usage
enough money
As a consequence
, they may Linking Words
do
crimes and repeat the cycle of Verb problem
commit
criminals
in Use synonyms
the
society. So , in my Correct article usage
apply
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
prison
has a negative Use synonyms
affect
on society's health.
Correct your spelling
effect
Linking Words
According
to Change preposition
Regarding
prison
's problems , I agree to create some facilities for job training and Use synonyms
make
an opportunity situation for Verb problem
create
criminals
. Use synonyms
For instance
, governments should teach them Linking Words
according to
their abilities and expand to find a good job Linking Words
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
money
.In the meantime, On the one hand , they become conscious and Use synonyms
on the other hand
, they can gain Linking Words
money
and have a comfortable life. Use synonyms
Hence
, they do not any crimes.
To explain Linking Words
Linking Words
furthermore
, there are many people that Capitalize word
Furthermore
develope
some places for Correct your spelling
develop
criminals
Use synonyms
such
as Linking Words
,
charity. In Remove the comma
apply
this
place , a manager Linking Words
find
these Change the verb form
finds
criminals
and Use synonyms
berings
them together. Correct your spelling
bring
brings
Then
, detect their talents and provide special facilities for them to learn advanced works. So , they explore their own skills and use Linking Words
in
a positive direction.
Correct pronoun usage
them in
To sum up
, Linking Words
prison
can not be a perfect place for every criminal Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the lose
lose
Replace the word
loss
their
opportunities. It is my notion that they can be beneficial for Change preposition
of their
the
society Correct article usage
apply
as well as
their own families by Linking Words
learn
something Change the verb form
learning
according to
their abilities.Linking Words
Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on
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clarity
Improve the clarity of your arguments. In some parts, the ideas are a bit vague or not well-articulated. For example, when mentioning the alternative options for criminals, be more specific about how they lead to positive outcomes.
grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. There are several sentences that could be made clearer and more concise. Pay attention to articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreements.
structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Some paragraphs lack focus, making it harder to follow your argument. Stick to one main idea per paragraph and elaborate on it thoroughly.
task response
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion.
task response
Good attempt to provide reasons and examples to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, making the essay easier to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example