Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#criminals #prisons #education #job

It is clear that

being

Verb problem

bringing

show examples

criminals

into

prison

is not the best way to understand their mistakes. Some people claim that the government should provide places for education

as well as

job training to learn a lot of skills for finding

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

career. I will explain

this

idea and give my own opinion in

further

paragraphs

Rephrase

apply

show examples

also

To begin

with , all of us know that

prision

Correct your spelling

prison

is not a suitable place to

putting

Change the form of the verb

put

show examples

criminals

. Since inmates learn about new and innovative methods of criminal conduct

while

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

they are serving their

prison

term.

On the other hand

, if they

become

Verb problem

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

prison

, they can help their family members .

Hence

, their families

have

Add a missing verb

do have

show examples

not any

supporter

Replace the word

support

show examples

for their lives.

In addition

, they can not work and gain

money

Thus

, their children

have

Add a missing verb

do have

show examples

not

money

Correct determiner usage

enough money

show examples

to continue their lives.

As a consequence

, they may

Verb problem

commit

show examples

crimes and repeat the cycle of

criminals

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. So , in my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

prison

has a negative

affect

Correct your spelling

effect

show examples

on society's health.

According

Change preposition

Regarding

show examples

prison

's problems , I agree to create some facilities for job training and

make

Verb problem

create

show examples

an opportunity situation for

criminals

For instance

, governments should teach them

according to

their abilities and expand to find a good job

for earning

Change preposition

to earn

show examples

money

.In the meantime, On the one hand , they become conscious and

on the other hand

, they can gain

money

and have a comfortable life.

Hence

, they do not any crimes. To explain

furthermore

Capitalize word

Furthermore

show examples

, there are many people that

develope

Correct your spelling

develop

some places for

criminals

such

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

charity. In

this

place , a manager

find

Change the verb form

finds

show examples

these

criminals

and

berings

Correct your spelling

bring

brings

them together.

Then

, detect their talents and provide special facilities for them to learn advanced works. So , they explore their own skills and use

Correct pronoun usage

them in

show examples

a positive direction.

To sum up

prison

can not be a perfect place for every criminal

due to

Correct article usage

the lose

show examples

lose

Replace the word

loss

show examples

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

opportunities. It is my notion that they can be beneficial for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

as well as

their own families by

learn

Change the verb form

learning

show examples

something

according to

their abilities.

Submitted by rastaebrahimifar on Sun Jun 16 2024

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clarity

Improve the clarity of your arguments. In some parts, the ideas are a bit vague or not well-articulated. For example, when mentioning the alternative options for criminals, be more specific about how they lead to positive outcomes.

grammar

Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. There are several sentences that could be made clearer and more concise. Pay attention to articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreements.

structure

Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Some paragraphs lack focus, making it harder to follow your argument. Stick to one main idea per paragraph and elaborate on it thoroughly.

task response

The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion.

task response

Good attempt to provide reasons and examples to support your argument.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, making the essay easier to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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19Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

350 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many social media accounts are fake. What problems does this cause? What solutions can you suggest?

You should spend about 40 mins. Write about the following topic: Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some countries have recently passed laws limiting the daily working hours of employees. Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact.

In some countries an increasing no of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?