Some people believe that the biggest problem facing cities is the increasing number of cars. Others say there more serious problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is undeniable that as
cities
has got
developed and progressed, their major issues have increased. It is argued that the main problem is an increase in figure of vehicles; Wrong verb form
have
however
, others believe there are many other subjects which are as controversial issues in urban areas. This
essay will discuss both views and then
I will reveal my orientation towards it.
The developing cities
have faced numerous challenges
which requires
efforts from authorities and locals. Some of these Change the verb form
require
challenges
are associated with each other and they play as
a Change preposition
apply
cause and effect
role. Add a hyphen
cause-and-effect
For example
, developing cities
leads
Change the verb form
lead
population
growth. Change preposition
to population
Therefore
, city dwellers require the
residential areas, Correct article usage
apply
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
space
and other infrastructure, Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
such
as park
, schools, libraries, and transportation systems. Fix the agreement mistake
parks
Moreover
, accommodating huge
population to Correct article usage
a huge
cities
’ capacities is a challenging issue. All in all, the aforementioned could deprive the citizens’
Change noun form
citizens
comfort
and decrease the amount of welfare .
Change preposition
of comfort
On the other hand
, in addition
to the mentioned challenges
, the most significant one would be a rise in automobiles’
numbers because they cause a plethora of issues which directly Change noun form
automobiles
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
Change preposition
apply
health
, such
as air pollution. It is universally acknowledged that vehicles are the major reason for air pollution which leads to a myriad of diseases, such
as Asthma. In addition
, not only physical health
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
mental one is affected due to
the severe traffic congestion is
created by numerous cars on the road. Sticking in Unnecessary verb
apply
traffic
jam could harm Add an article
a traffic
mentally
. Correct pronoun usage
them mentally
For instance
, scientific research in China illustrates that staying in the
traffic jam causes anxiety and Correct article usage
a
nerve
in the long run.
In conclusion, numerous Fix the agreement mistake
nerves
challenges
are in various cities
which could certainly influence locals’ health
and welfare. From my point of view, the challenges
which leads
to harming Change the verb form
lead
health
are the most crucial one which needs to tackle
urgently.Wrong verb form
be tackled
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, but the clarity can be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical issues and awkward phrases that make it hard to follow your arguments at times. Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are satisfactory, but the conclusion could restate the main points more effectively for better cohesion.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the task and you address both views as required.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supported main points
You have used relevant examples to support your points, such as citing research from China.