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Band 5

Governments should focus their spending on public services rather than on the arts (eg. music and painting) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #focus #services #arts #eg #music
As far as there are two sides that said governments have to pay for general services
instead
 of art subjects namely, drawing or music. I believe the first opinion because
it is clear that
 public services
such
 as transportation or repairing roads are more important and necessary. Paying attention through governments so that doing measurements to improve the features which people are using during their lifetime is so necessary
for example
 repairing roads are causing accidents or dying humans or even making new facilities which are related to public transportation to arrive faster at work, school or even being safe are more important and so effective on people life.
However
, there is another side
that is
 improving the art majors which is a need for people who are interested in these subjects valuable everyone can improve themselves by costing by own one for improving in them and there is no need to governments to spending on these type of measurements. In conclusion, there the things which are more important and they are our needs and our life depends on them is better for us to improve them first after that we will be able to pay attention to
another thing
Fix the agreement mistake
other things
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Ensure to fully develop each main point with specific discussions or examples. Try to provide clear reasons and examples for why public services are more important.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow and clarity between sentences and paragraphs. Use more cohesive devices to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion is more comprehensive and encapsulates your view effectively. Reinforce your main arguments succinctly.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on focusing government spending on public services over the arts.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and attempt to outline and summarize the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • infrastructure
  • quality of life
  • economic productivity
  • social equity
  • essential resources
  • long-term benefits
  • public health
  • educational attainment
  • public transportation
  • creativity
  • cultural preservation
  • social cohesion
  • indirect economic benefits
  • tourism industry
  • cultural heritage
  • balanced approach
  • well-rounded society
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