task 2: in some countries, young people have become richer, healthier anf live longer, but they are less happy. What are the causes? What can be done to address this situation?
Recent years have witnessed the development of young generations with ever better qualities of life than those in the previous decades, youngsters are thought to have more happiness
align
with being wealthier, healthier and having longer life expands. Wrong verb form
aligned
However
, the reality may show that they are less happy. This
problem
an
be attributed to several factors, and Correct your spelling
can
this
essay suggests viable solution
to remedy the situation.
Young Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
people
not feeling happier in spite of their materials
possessions Change the noun form
material
ca
stem from 2 main reasons. Foremost among these is Correct your spelling
can
that
mental issues Correct word choice
apply
such
as stress or depression caused by work pressure. that says, in this
digital era, when innovations of technology and mass
of social platforms have allowed users to Correct article usage
the mass
expose
to more online vocational training for free to update their knowledge and specific skills, or online recruitments Wrong verb form
be exposed
as well as
the increase in population. This
escalates into too much
applicants with outstanding skills but limited promotions, and in order to get employed, the young have to try even harder than Change the quantifier
many
people
in the past. In addition
, besides
the purpose of sharing and storing memorable experience
on social media, more and more Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
people
use it as a showcase for what they have achieved, or in worst
case, they can fake their achievements to get the Add an article
the worst
admire
from Replace the word
admiration
the
others. Take Correct article usage
apply
“flexing”
trend in Vietnam, for Correct article usage
the “flexing”
examples
, when its initial aim is to motivate Fix the agreement mistake
example
people
to endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
to
their goals, many have reported Change preposition
toward
to be
less satisfied with accomplishments Change the verb form
being
due to
their fear of missing out.
So as to cope with the aforementioned problem
, several following steps should be taken. The first solution could be Change preposition
for that
that
government Correct determiner usage
the
encourage
the Fix the infinitive
to encourage
expansions
of firms and the Fix the agreement mistake
expansion
establishments
of more private businesses to create more jobs for Fix the agreement mistake
establishment
the
youngsters, to ensure there are enough work positions and social welfare for them. Indeed, Correct article usage
apply
government
should Add an article
the government
also
intensify the importance of psychologists in assisting people
to overcome their mental problems through consultants in workplace
or public workshops. The second solution, on an individual level, the young should build themselves Add an article
the workplace
a
confidence in their egos, which means to help them Remove the article
apply
less
affected by pressures on social media. They can do Add a missing verb
be less
this
by reading self-help books such
as “How to stop worries
and Correct your spelling
Stop Worries
start living happily
” by Dale Carnegie - Correct your spelling
Start Living Happily
professors’
recommend, or by meditation as good.
In conclusion, the Change noun form
professors
problem
people
being less happy despite having better life qualities can Change preposition
of people
be ascribe
Change the verb form
be ascribed
from
work pressure and fear of leaving behind. Change preposition
to
Nevertheless
, this
problem
is still positively soluble, but not without the aid from government
and Correct article usage
the government
efforts
of individuals to build a healthy mindset.Correct article usage
the efforts
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly. You can use more transitional phrases, or conjunctions to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Pay close attention to minor grammatical errors, especially verb forms and article usage. Editing your essays more thoroughly or seeking feedback from a native speaker might help.
task achievement
You provided a comprehensive response to the task, addressing both causes and solutions of the issue quite thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the essay’s main points, offering clear framing for your arguments.
task achievement
The examples you gave are relevant and specific, helping to illustrate your points well.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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