As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Although
businesses
are an important part of the society and provide us with lots of job opportunities, role
of them in social activities has been an object of debate for recent years. From my point of view, making money should not be the main goal of businesses
, and they need to care about their societies.
First,
businesses
are part of every society and many people
are working
for them, so they can have Wrong verb form
work
effect
on their workers by giving them suitable tasks, Correct article usage
an effect
teach
them Wrong verb form
teaching
necessary
qualifications, and providing them Correct article usage
the necessary
positive
work environments. When Change preposition
with positive
people
have suitable task
to perform, they are more satisfied and satisfaction Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
make
them happy in their lives. Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
For example
, someone who is very good at data analysing
should not extract data because being in Correct your spelling
analysis
a
wrong place Correct article usage
the
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
unhappy. Another thing is that businesses
can provide people
suitable
education and give them Change preposition
with suitable
continuos
feedback about their jobs to make them Correct your spelling
continuous
expert
in their field, in order to be confident with their abilities and reduce the stress of being sacked.
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
Moreover
, working in a positive environment with good colleagues and understanding boss
can be very
helpful in Correct article usage
the boss
people
's lives. Understanding colleagues and supportive manager
can Fix the agreement mistake
managers
brought
Change the verb form
bring
be brought
passion
Add an article
a passion
the passion
for
staff and make them feel Change preposition
to
being
important and find their reasons in their lives. Another role that Unnecessary verb
apply
businesses
can play is that they can teach people
how to create their companies, and also
help tham
to Correct your spelling
them
peovide
their Correct your spelling
provide
fundings
. Fix the agreement mistake
funding
Finally
, major companies like Apple and Samsung can bring some of their branches to other sides of the world, like third nation countries in Asia, in order to make
jobs for poor individuals Verb problem
create
in
there.
In my view, Change preposition
apply
businesses
can be helpful in society by providing a good work situation for their staff and
support them in terms of education.Submitted by Shahdadi.m76 on
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task achievement
Your response addresses the task adequately, presenting relevant ideas and examples. However, you can improve clarity by occasionally refining sentence structures. Aim for more precision in your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, but you may strengthen coherence with better use of linking words and phrases. This will make your arguments flow more smoothly. Also, ensure each paragraph fully supports a single main idea.
task achievement
The essay displays a good understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing the role of businesses in society with relevant examples.
task achievement
Main points are well-explained, and the use of examples makes your arguments convincing.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear progression in your ideas, and you generally use cohesive devices effectively to link paragraphs and sentences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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