Nowadays, people devote too much time to their job. This leaves very little time for their personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause?

Throughout the
world
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world,
show examples
in the current
days
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days,
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people are giving a significant portion of time to their career.
Thus
they left their personal life with minor time.
this
kind of problem
faced
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is faced
show examples
by almost every part of the world
ecpecially
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especially
in the developed countries. It might cause the broke of community
in
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at
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the
sell
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sales
show examples
level by hindering
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the likehood
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likehood
Correct your spelling
likelihood
of family life.
Firstly
, nowadays most people
started
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started to
show examples
prioritize their
career
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careers
show examples
than
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over
show examples
their
family
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families
show examples
.
Almost
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In almost
show examples
every country we can see people obsessed with competition for the vacancies and desire
of
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to
show examples
persuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
successful
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, since,
its
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it's
it is
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very difficult to achieve
this
without
sacrifice
Wrong verb form
sacrificing
show examples
their time and energy.
This
phenomena
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phenomenon
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highly
Add a missing verb
is highly
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widespread
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in devloped
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devloped
Correct your spelling
developed
countries, since they want to live in prosperous and successful life and
familiy
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family
might seem to them
additional
Add an article
an additional
show examples
burden.
For instance
, most of the actress
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the consequences of the lack of personal time, and provide more specific examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear main idea and that they collectively contribute to your overall argument.
language
Focus on improving grammatical range and accuracy to make your essay easier to read and understand.
task achievement
The essay addresses a relevant and contemporary issue that many people face in modern society.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by highlighting the problem.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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