Many people believe that they should spend money to enjoy life at present.others however, think they should save it for the future. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Some are of the opinion that spending
money
for today’s Use synonyms
need
is justified. Fix the agreement mistake
needs
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
other
opine that Fix the agreement mistake
others
one
should always save their earning for the future and for unforeseen Use synonyms
situation
. I believe Fix the agreement mistake
situations
on
the latter philosophy and my reasonings shall be elaborated in the following passages.
Change preposition
in
To begin
with, today’s generation Linking Words
earn
Change the verb form
earns
good
amount of Correct article usage
a good
money
compared to the older generation. Use synonyms
This
is becauseLinking Words
,
most of them have strong educational Remove the comma
apply
background
and land a decent job. Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
Hence
, their career is secured and they do not value income as much as they should as there is never a deficit of cash flow. Another reason, most people do not save Linking Words
money
is because, government provide most of the basic necessities Use synonyms
at
free of Change preposition
apply
cost
Change the noun form
costs
such
as education, medical, and other amenities. Linking Words
For example
, students who passed out before 2005 in the USA had at least 65000$ in debt upon graduation Linking Words
thus
, making them Linking Words
to
allocate at least Change the verb form
apply
Use synonyms
one third
of their salary towards their loan. Add a hyphen
one-third
However
, Linking Words
post 20005
, the ruling government waived off all Add a hyphen
post-20005
the
student loans by 50% for current students. Correct article usage
apply
This
certainly took Linking Words
financial
burden off of their shoulders yet, Correct article usage
the financial
instead
of using Linking Words
this
Linking Words
money
to pay off loans they spent it to go Use synonyms
for
a party, purchase Change preposition
to
apparels
, Fix the agreement mistake
apparel
take
unwanted vacation trips so that they Correct word choice
and take
can
post their lifestyle on social media. Facebook, Instagram, Wrong verb form
could
Correct word choice
and Tik-Tok
Tik-Tok
are Correct your spelling
TikTok
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
one
of the primary reasons why they do not want to save. Correct determiner usage
some
Younger
generation Correct article usage
The younger
live
for likes which gives them a Change the verb form
lives
celebrity like
status. To show off their lifestyle, they indulge in purchasing unnecessary expensive goods. Becoming famous in Add a hyphen
celebrity-like
short
span of time takes precedence over saving for the future.
Having said that I, strongly believe in Add an article
a short
savings
. Use synonyms
Use synonyms
One third
of our income should go towards Add a hyphen
One-third
savings
becauseUse synonyms
,
life is unprecedented. In order to cope Remove the comma
apply
up
with Change preposition
apply
un-foreseen
medical Correct your spelling
unforeseen
expense
or other Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
expense
, Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
one
must always be prepared. Use synonyms
For instance
, during COVID-19 many suffered from financial constrain as they did not have any Linking Words
savings
in their account and many insurance Use synonyms
company
did not cover Change to a plural noun
companies
this
disease as it was new. Linking Words
This
ended up hurting Linking Words
citizens
pockets and mental stability. Without Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
payment
many hospitals denied treating its patient. If people had Add a comma
payment,
savings
, they could have prevented Use synonyms
mortality
rate at least by 10%. Another reason Correct article usage
the mortality
savings
is vital Use synonyms
because
as Add a missing verb
is because
human
we will eventually lose the ability to work beyond Fix the agreement mistake
humans
certain
age Correct article usage
a certain
due to
our physical deterioration. Linking Words
Savings
for our retirement must be our priority so that we do not have to depend on our children’s earnings. Having Use synonyms
a
sound financial stability can allow us to live our life in peace.
Correct article usage
apply
Overall
, I firmly believe that every penny saved is every penny earned. It is important to spend on certain things that might give us happiness but spending our entire paycheque only item that we want is absurd. We should strike a balance between the need and want and make wise and well-informed Linking Words
choice
so that our future is secured.Fix the agreement mistake
choices
Submitted by u.umayal92 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
In order to achieve a higher score for task response, ensure that every part of the prompt is addressed more explicitly. Consider refining your introductory sentence to more clearly outline both perspectives before diving into your viewpoint. Additionally, the concluding paragraph can be strengthened by briefly summarizing the main points of both views discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, while your essay flows quite well, there are occasional areas where sentence transitions could be smoother. You might benefit from using more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'On the other hand,' 'Moreover'). This would help improve the logical structure and enhance the flow.
task response
Ensure that all main points are thoroughly supported with relevant examples. While you provided some good examples, such as the impact of COVID-19 and the student loans scenario, more detailed examples or additional explanations could further strengthen your arguments and demonstrate clear comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and be wary of run-on sentences or overly long paragraphs. Breaking them into smaller, more digestible sections can help improve readability and ensure that each point is adequately emphasized.
task response
Your essay provides specific examples and a well-defined standpoint, which is a strong point in your task response. The references to COVID-19 and the changes in student loans add depth and relevance to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, summarizing your viewpoint neatly. The conclusion reinforces your standpoint and leaves a lasting impression.
task response
You do a good job of addressing both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective and critical thinking.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general