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Band 3.5

Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #move #countries #work #people #effect #children
In modernization and competitive era,more and more people have repopulated in other nations for
situation
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the situation
a situation
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, few agree to that it might have numerous drawbacks over benefits.
According to
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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other
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other,
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 it is better to shift there for better rearing of their infants.In
this
essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 will discuss both
the
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apply
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views of
this
 belief with appropriate
example
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examples
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. People have myriads reasons to relocate
in
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to
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other region
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another region
other regions
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such
 as they have thought that it would be beneficial for better education,lifestyle,job
opportunity
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opportunities
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,wast amount of income and child will understand other's culture,
tradition
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traditions
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 and customs that could help them to broaden their thinking,acceptance of other's perspective and altered their monotonous life.
For instance
,most of the students are planning to go abroad
for
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to
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 study in order to get
better
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a better
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 academic environment and experience new things.
On the other hand
,some individuals might have
threaten
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threatened
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 for their
youngfalks
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young folks
 to allow them to
alone
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be alone
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 in a totally strange province.
Secondaly
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Secondly
,
juveline
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juveniles
 have
atonomy
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autonomy
 to do whatever they want
as a result
 it
would be
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apply
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enhances
chances
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the chances
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 of juvenile delinquency.
Lastly
,children may forget the value of their culture and become stubborn
as a consequence
 of
this
 they do not even listen to their
gardian
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guardian
 or parents. In conclusion, I have to add that every coin has two sides ,it would be better to acquire new knowledge from shifting to other nation but
individual
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the individual
an individual
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 should remember the true value of their culture.
Submitted by jenny.15121996 on

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task achievement
To improve clarity and comprehension, pay attention to grammar and sentence structure errors. For example, 'more and more people have repopulated in other nations for situation' can be rephrased to 'more and more people have relocated to other countries for work.'
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, try to add specific scenarios or studies that back up your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay. Using transition words like 'However,' 'Additionally,' and 'Moreover' could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure; ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by supporting details. This makes your essay more coherent and easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
complete response
You have discussed both views, which fulfills the task requirement of presenting a balanced discussion.
supported main points
The main points you have made are relevant to the topic. You have shown an ability to address the essay prompt effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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