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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the information for internet users as percentage of population in three countries from 1999 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the information for internet users as percentage of population in three countries from 1999 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the proportion of
internet
Use synonyms
 users as a percentage of the population in three countries over 10
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
. → 10
years
Use synonyms
 / a 10-year
period
Use synonyms
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be seen that the percentage of
internet
Use synonyms
 users witnessed a significant increase in all three countries during the
period
Use synonyms
. Noteworthy the
rate
Use synonyms
 of
growth
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 was the largest. In 1999, the United States had the highest percentage of
internet
Use synonyms
 users at 30%, followed by
Canada
Use synonyms
 in second place at about 20%. After rising rapidly during the
period
Use synonyms
 1999 to 2005 from 25% to 70%,
this
Linking Words
rate
Use synonyms
 slowed down, reaching 80% by the end of the cycle. ->
period
Use synonyms
Similar
Change the word
Similarly
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,
Canada
Use synonyms
occupies
Wrong verb form
occupied
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 10% in 1999,With only one-third
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 US,
Canada
Use synonyms
 has shown strong
growth
Use synonyms
 over the
years
Use synonyms
, surpassing the US in 2002 at 45% and becoming the country with the largest
internet
Use synonyms
 coverage. In 1999, Mexico had the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 of
internet
Use synonyms
 usage at less than 10%. After 20
years
Use synonyms
, despite continuous
growth
Use synonyms
 from around 5% to nearly 35%, Mexico's
internet
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 usage
rate
Use synonyms
 remains the lowest. Sum up,
while
Linking Words
 the USA and
Canada
Use synonyms
 have had high
growth
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 rates over the past 10
years
Use synonyms
, Mexico has had the slowest
growth
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 of the three countries.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, years, period, rate, growth, canada with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 5 times.
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