IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
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Governments must invest money in railways
instead
Linking Words
 of
roads
Use synonyms
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and will show that rail
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more environmentally friendly,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 carbon emissions as compared to
roads
Use synonyms
 and facilitates
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
transportation with less contamination.
Firstly
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, on the
one
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 hand,
railroad
Fix the agreement mistake
railroads
show examples
 are more environmentally friendly as compared to using the
roads
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. It should be noted that rail
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a good form of preserving
people
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's lives. There are so many accidents that occur
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
roads
Use synonyms
.
Further
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, there is a reduction of carbon dioxide emissions to avoid air dirting. The fumes that come out from
trains
Use synonyms
 are less as compared to the ones coming from
cars
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,
buses
Use synonyms
 and tractors. In Ruanda, ever since the introduction of
trains
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
buses
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 and
cars
Use synonyms
, there has been a decline in complaints concerning air pollution, accidents and deaths from
roads
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, it should be noted that
railroad
Correct article usage
the railroad
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the best solution
instead
Linking Words
 of the road.
Secondly
Linking Words
, mass transportation is facilitated using less fouling. The
trains
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 as huge as they are, carry hundreds of
people
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 to different locations at
one
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 goal. These operate at a fixed time. Moreso, they are liable
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and dependable.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, modes of transport are smaller and can accommodate between
one
Use synonyms
 to 50
people
Use synonyms
, depending on how big the bus is.
Thus
Linking Words
, it can be noted that when comparing
trains
Use synonyms
 to
buses
Use synonyms
,
cars
Use synonyms
 and bicycles,
trains
Use synonyms
 accommodate a large number of
people
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, mass transportation is seen on rails rather than the
roads
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. In conclusion, authorities need to spend funds on railways rather than
roads
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 as rails are more convenient,
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
there is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reduction of emissions from carbon.
In addition
Linking Words
, the facilitation of transport is in abundance as
trains
Use synonyms
 can hundreds of
people
Use synonyms
 in
one
Use synonyms
 trip as compared to
buses
Use synonyms
 and
cars
Use synonyms
Submitted by pncubeterera on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue and provides relevant arguments to support it. However, consider bolstering each argument with more specific and detailed examples. For instance, you could compare the carbon emissions of different transportation modes in more detail or provide specific statistics on rail efficiency.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can be improved. For example, phrases like "rail are" would be more accurately written as "rail is" or "railways are." Also, the word "more" at the beginning of the conclusion seems to be a typographical error or misplaced, consider revising: "authorities need to spend funds on railways rather than roads as rail is more convenient, reducing carbon emissions."
introduction conclusion present
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively presents and wraps up your argument.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is strong. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, making your argument easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
What to do next:
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