IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many helath problems. Sugery products should be more economical to encourage people to consume less sugar

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #helath #sugery #people
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These days there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 considerable manufactured
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 with more sugar concentrations , which lead to different types of human diseases .
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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 some people suggest rising
prices
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 of sugary
products
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 ,
while
Linking Words
 other
indviduals
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individuals
 refuse
this
Linking Words
 opinion . In
this
Linking Words
essay
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essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explore the pros and cons of the issue that sugary
products
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 should be more economical and try to draw some conclusions .
At
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In
show examples
 the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
, I will start looking at the benefits of
upgrowing
Correct article usage
the upgrowing
show examples
 of sugary
Use synonyms
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
prices
Use synonyms
 . One of the major plus
point
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points
show examples
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 , if sugary
food
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 and
drink
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 become more
unaffordabe
Correct your spelling
unaffordable
affordable
then
Linking Words
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 number of consumers will decrease .
Linking Words
Moreover
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Moreover,
show examples
 the diseases caused by it
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 Diabetes Mellitus , Obesity and Heart
proplems
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problems
will become
lessmore
Correct your spelling
less more
.
For instance
Linking Words
 , one research article stated that ,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of obesity among youngsters in the UK
deceased
Correct your spelling
decreased
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 by 14 % after
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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sugary
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in sugary
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food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
 bills.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , the
disadvantges
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disadvantages
disadvantage
 of sugary
food
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 and
drink
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products
Use synonyms
becomes
Change the verb form
become
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 more expensive . Some individuals argue that
,
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apply
show examples
sugary
food
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include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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 some types of
food
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 that really
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 paramount
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
importance in diets and we eat it every day .
For instance
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,
breads
Change the wording
bread
pieces of bread
loaves of bread
slices of bread
show examples
 and pasta, so if it becomes more expensive it will not only influence our
food
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 lifestyle , but
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
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 some people
would'nt
Correct your spelling
wouldn't
 be able to buy the most important
food
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 to them .
To conclude
Linking Words
 , there are benefits and
disadvantges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 sugary
food
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 ,
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 that
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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on
Change preposition
apply
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our
food
Use synonyms
 lifestyle
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 it will figure out obesity dilemma . Personally, I believe that increased
prices
Use synonyms
 of sugary
food
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
Correct article usage
an invaluble
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invaluble
Correct your spelling
invaluable
 effect on human health and life will be better with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 problems .
Submitted by ahmedaloqaili53 on

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct any grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. These small inaccuracies can affect the clarity of your writing.
examples
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
conclusion
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing the main points more clearly and restating your position strongly.
argument
You have effectively identified the two sides of the argument and have discussed both the benefits and disadvantages of raising the prices of sugary products.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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