IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that robots will replace many jobs, others think that technology will create new job opportunities. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion

#people #robots #jobs #technology #job #opportunities
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Over the
last
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 years, the question whether about
robots
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 and
technology
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 become one of the most conversial ones in
maany
Correct your spelling
many
 parts of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
.
While
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 some
people
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 strongly support the opinion that most
of
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apply
show examples
jobs will
be lose
Change the verb form
be lost
show examples
 to
robots
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. There are other
people
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 who think that new professions are created because of
technology
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both points of view and try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, it is commonly argued by some groups
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 that lots of callings are lost by
robots
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. The first argument that they
bringin
Correct your spelling
bring in
 order to support their point of
viev
Correct your spelling
view
 is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the loss of occupation.
For example
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, we use accounting and finance
servises
Correct your spelling
services
. But these jobs will be out in the future because of
robots
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.
Robots
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make
Verb problem
do
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 their work. Another reason why they claim is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 advantages of
robots
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.
That is
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 why there are
such
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 tasks, it
makes
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takes
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 years for a person to finish, but
robots
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 can do a second. There are other tasks only
robots
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 can do.
On the other hand
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, despite
mentioned
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the mentioned
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counter arguments
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counterarguments
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, it is through
by
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apply
show examples
other
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others
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 that new callings are created thanks to technologies. They think
this
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 is true mainly
due to
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 the fact that information
technology
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 – IT.
For instance
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, we use 3d modelling
servises
Correct your spelling
services
 for our work or education. Which is
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
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 profession. Another main reason that they bring is that artificial intelligence.
Thus
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, it makes
to
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it
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 clear that
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the google
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google
Capitalize word
Google
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 and
yandex
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Yandex
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 sites we know use artificial intelligence.
This
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 opens up new occupations for them
develop
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to develop
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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 some
people
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 support the idea that
robots
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 will replace many jobs,
other
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others
show examples
 advocate that
technology
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 will create new job opportunities. From my personal point of view, the place of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 in our life is very important in the current developing period.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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task response
Try to elaborate more on the arguments for both sides. Providing additional explanations and examples will make your essay stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph sticks to one main idea and that your points flow smoothly from one to the next. Consider using more linking words to connect ideas within paragraphs and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and phrases to maintain clarity. Also, pay attention to grammar and spelling for a more polished presentation.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the essay's main points of discussion. This prepares the reader for what to expect.
task response
Your conclusion provides a good summary of the discussed points and states your personal opinion, bringing closure to the essay.
task response
You have included relevant examples to support your points, which is essential for strengthening your arguments.
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