The graph gives information about the number of books which were borrowed from four village libraries namely West Eaton, Ryeslip, Sutton Wood and Church Mount from June until September in 2014, and the pie chart shows a breakdown of kinds of book borrowed during the period.

The graph gives information about the number of books which were borrowed from four village libraries namely West Eaton, Ryeslip, Sutton Wood and Church Mount from June until September in 2014, and the pie chart shows a breakdown of kinds of book borrowed during the period.
The line graph shows information about the
number
of books that were borrowed from four different libraries in 2014, with
Correct article usage
a piechart
show examples
piechart
Correct your spelling
pie chart
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illustrates
Wrong verb form
illustrating
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the proportion of various types of books over the four months.
Overall
, what stands out from the graph is that there were considerable upward trends in the
number
of West Eaton and Church Mount,
while
the
number
of Ryeslip rocketed down, another interesting point is that the
number
of Sutton Wood went down during the period suddenly rocketed up. It can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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the borrowing for Sutton Wood started at 300 in June after that was
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
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down at
Change preposition
to
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100 in August.
However
,
in
Change the preposition
at
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the end of the period was
in
Change preposition
at
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the top,
while
the
number
of Ryeslip was at 300 in June
then
went down
at
Change preposition
to
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over 200 in September. Looking at the details, the
number
of both West Eaton and Church Mount
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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rose during the period from 50 to 150.
Submitted by yosf1010 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rocketed" was used 2 times.

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