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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is beneficial for students to go to private secondary schools, but others think that it has negative effects. Discuss both points of view and give your own oipnion

#people #students #schools #effects #points #oipnion
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In
this
 modern era ,the selection of
schools
 has a significant role in
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
education
.Few individuals believe that it is helpful for children to go to private academies
However
, more are contemplated that it has negative impacts.In my opinion,I partially agree with
thisstatement
Correct your spelling
this statement
.
This
 essay will discuss both views in detail,
along with
 a relevant conclusion. On the one hand, private institutions help to uplift the quality of life and schooling.
For example
,
according to
 the survey, Non-public school students are more talented than public institute students.
Besides
 that ,they have increased knowledge regarding the topics,which will be beneficial for them to achieve their goal.
In addition
, their excellent English language proficiency is really appreciated, because in the future, the folks have to work internationally,
this
 will help them to cope with all situations,and
also
 they can maintain their dignity
while
 working with reputed companies.
For example
,the individuals who migrated to Europe proved their language proficiency through the IELTS or OET exams.
as well as
 they are maintaining good interpersonal relationships with their colleagues.
On the other hand
,the government sector is utilised by economically poor people
due to
 the free
education
 provided by the government.Which will be utilised by them to gain an
education
 without any discrimination.
For instance
, Manorama
news
Capitalize word
News
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 reported that,
Correct article usage
a varieties
show examples
varieties
Fix the agreement mistake
variety
show examples
 of
schools
 separate the kids under colour and cast.
Furthermore
, private
schools
 charge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 higher fees for each student,which is a big challenge for people who have poor financial backgrounds. In conclusion, nowadays, independent training centres are highly rated as compared with National
schools
 .Only the private sector has provided quality
education
.In my opinion,I partially agree with
this
 statement.because it has only one negative effect,private management is taking more fees from learners.rest all things improve the quality of life.
Submitted by saniyasunny1848 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your arguments. Use more transition words and phrases to connect your ideas in a smoother and more coherent way.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument. A more complete introduction will provide a better framework for the essay.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and stronger.
task achievement
Address both sides of the argument more equally. While you covered both perspectives, the discussion seemed leaned towards one side without fully balancing the opposing view.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to address both perspectives on the issue, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a relevant conclusion that aligns with the discussion presented in the main body of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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