IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A healthy person is often described as someone who has a good diet, gets plenty of exercise and avoids stress. What should people do to stay healthy in your country? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#person #someone #diet #plenty #exercise #stress #people #country
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If people are going to discuss a
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
 person they likely will mention at least a few good
habiths
Correct your spelling
habits
 like spots, a diet etc. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I'm going to explain
common
Add an article
the common
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 vision of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy lifestyle
of
Change preposition
in
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 my country. My homeland is Russia,
this
 country is huge and it has different climate zones. It means that
lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
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 in Moscow and Sochi may be quite different. Despite
this
, the Russians have some common sports and food preferences. Traditionally
the
Correct article usage
apply
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football and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hokkey
Correct your spelling
hockey
hokey
 are the
favrite
Correct your spelling
favourite
 ones, but these sports
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
 could be traumatic.
On the other hand
, jogging, gym and yoga are very popular among
younger
Add an article
the younger
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 generation, and the combination of these activities develops
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 important characteristics of your body: strength, speed and flexibility. Lifting weights gives muscles and power, jogging extends your stamina and helps to lose weight, and
finally
, yoga and meditation
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to cope with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress and to be flexible.
Healthy
Add an article
A healthy
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 diet is
also
 very important, dietologists often say - "You are what you eat", and
this
 phrase is so underrated. Unfortunately, good food costs a lot, and it can be unaffordable for the majority of the population. I visit gym and yoga classes regularly and I have seen a few stories of people, who successfully got rid of trauma or obesity because they changed their lifestyle to a better one. I am
also
 always happy when I see success stories on social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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 and I hope it motivates somebody to do the same.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the structure of the essay and sets up the main points that will be discussed. This helps guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points and reinforces your thesis. This adds to the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your argument more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
While discussing sports, mention the benefits and potential downsides more clearly to provide a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve the flow and clarity of your essay. This helps in conveying your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on how diet impacts health, perhaps including specific types of food or meal plans common in Russia, to make your points more detailed and informative.
task achievement
Good job in pointing out the regional differences within Russia. This adds depth to your essay and shows an understanding of cultural variations.
task achievement
You’ve included personal anecdotes, which make your argument more relatable and engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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