To improve children’s lives, mothers and fathers should attend parenting and child development courses every year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The effect of
parents
in fostering
children
is undeniable and
also
,
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
play
Rephrase
also play
show examples
a significant role in
children
’s lives. It is argued that
parents
should be educated
parenting
Change preposition
on parenting
show examples
skills
annually to perform better in stretching good lives for
children
.
This
essay will express my positive orientation towards
this
opinion and support it
by
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with
show examples
rational reasons. It is universally acknowledged that educating minors is one of the most significant factors
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not only
a
Change preposition
on a
show examples
family scale but
also
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
scale. I believe that parenting is a type of skill which should be learnt by
parents
the same as learning other
skills
.
For example
, one of the requirements of driving a car is having
license
Correct article usage
a license
show examples
and passing the driving
courses
.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parenting requires
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exposure of educating these
skills
and it is not as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
simple as
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it looks. Educating minors has been demonstrated the most sensitive and complex task that any individual cannot be in charge of it because it is directly associated with offspring’s future lives mentally and physically. Different new generations’ tendencies are the second vital reason. The new generations have some wishes and desires which is remarkably different, in comparison with
parents
’ ones .
As a result
, comprehending these would be probably tough for
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
generations.
Therefore
, these
courses
could pave the path
of
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to
show examples
understanding their feeling and update them annually.
Consequently
, taking these
courses
could give a wide perspective to
parents
about minors’
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
and they would recognize that they do not have the only problematic
children
.
For example
, curbing
children
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
having
tattoo
Fix the agreement mistake
tattoos
show examples
is a major argument between
parents
and
children
,
taking
Correct word choice
and taking
show examples
these
courses
gives opportunities to see other
parents
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have the same problem. In conclusion, learning parental
skills
is a crucial issue, which requires to be learnt by various
courses
. The right parental
skills
could flourish the minors and improve the
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
between
parents
and offspring.
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task achievement
Although the essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, it could be improved by addressing counterarguments or considering different perspectives. This would strengthen the overall argument.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are fully developed with relevant and specific examples. Some examples in the essay, like the comparison to driving, were relevant but needed more connection to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has good logical flow, but the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from talking about the complexity of parenting skills to discussing new generations' tendencies was a bit abrupt.
coherence cohesion
Work on avoiding repetition of points in different words. For example, the points about understanding minors' feelings and problematic behavior could be combined to avoid redundancy.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is strong and sets a clear stance on the issue, which is maintained throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the position taken in the introduction.
logical structure
The use of expressions such as 'universally acknowledged,' 'pave the path,' and 'curbing' demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and understanding of idiomatic expressions.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay provides a good range of coherent ideas that are well-connected to the main topic, showing a deep understanding of the issue.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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