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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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These pie charts illustrate
Use synonyms
usage
Add an article
the usage
show examples
 of
devices
Use synonyms
 that have been used for watching television by
18
Correct article usage
the 18
show examples
-25 age group in Canada in 2009 and 2019. In 2009, conventional
TV
Use synonyms
 gave the largest contribution among the
usage
Use synonyms
 of other
devices
Use synonyms
 at 34% but in 2019, it only gave only 4%.
This
Linking Words
 decline happened for desktop computers and laptops too. In 2009, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of desktop computers was 18%;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the
usage
Use synonyms
 of laptops was 20%. The
usage
Use synonyms
 of desktop computers and laptops only
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributed
show examples
 12% each in 2019 giving them both
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second lowest
devices
Use synonyms
 that have been used for watching television. The highest escalation happened for flat-screen
Use synonyms
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
, from only 8% who
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to watch television in 2009, it became 27% in 2019.
This
Linking Words
 escalation did not happen only on flat screen
Use synonyms
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
, tablets and mobile phones experienced it too. In conclusion, there are differences
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
devices
Use synonyms
 that have been used for watching
TV
Use synonyms
 by the 18-25 age group in Canada. The biggest escalation happened for flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
 use and the most significant drop happened for conventional
TV
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kelly on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, devices, tv with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie chart
  • percentage
  • proportion
  • comparison
  • device
  • traditional TV
  • laptop
  • mobile phone
  • tablet
  • streaming services
  • usage
  • trend
  • shift
  • technological advancements
  • viewing habits
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