Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child development. However, others argue that other things like Television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Many people believe that
parents
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play an important
role
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in the growth of their
children
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,
while
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others argue that Television and their peers play a vital
role
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in the growth of teenagers’ development.
This
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topic will discuss both views and provide my opinion
at the end
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of the passage. On the one hand, classmates play a crucial
role
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with their mates,
while
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at school and outside the school. They share assignments and do group discussions on different topics
such
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as study-related
as well as
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daily life issues. In discussions, they share information and remove any weaknesses they have in their lives. Another reason is that digital television is true nowadays teenagers watch digital programs on the screens and get the best knowledge
such
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as discovery channels and science topics, which make them comfortable with their skills.
In addition
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,
due to
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readily available digital platforms, students solve their study-related problems on screens and get good marks in their exams.
As a result
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, online classes help them for development in the
future
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.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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, who are the first teachers of their
children
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always teach better than others. Guardians practically teach their
children
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and show them what is good and bad for them, so they can become more successful in the
future
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.
Moreover
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,  a child spend more time with their families as compared to school and friends, so they get opportunities to learn from their family members
such
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as elder brothers, sisters, and
parents
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.
In addition
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,
parents
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sometimes take their
children
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to events and teach them, how to behave in society, so in the
future
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they can play an important
role
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in public well-being. In conclusion, following the analysis,
it is clear that
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parents
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are the most helper, who mould their
children
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in
such
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a way and teach them how to communicate with other people and relatives. We cannot ignore Television and their friends because they can speak and discuss some personal issues with them, which is not possible to discuss with their guardians. In my opinion,
parents
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play the most important
role
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in the betterment of their teenagers’ and teach them the right things which make them successful in their
future
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.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers both views and clearly states your opinion, which is good. However, the examples provided could be more specific and detailed to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve, try to ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure: introduce the main idea, provide supporting points, and then give examples or further explanation.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame your essay well.
complete response
You have addressed both viewpoints and provided your own opinion, which is essential for a task 2 essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary educators
  • role models
  • emotional support
  • psychological development
  • expose to new ideas
  • broaden horizons
  • social skills
  • sense of belonging
  • identity formation
  • regulate content
  • mitigating potential negative impacts
  • important life skills
  • negotiation
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • quality of the relationship
  • lasting impact
  • self-esteem
  • mental health
  • educational programs
  • supplement school education
  • additional learning opportunities
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