Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A famous
people’s individual Correct article usage
Famous
lives
are now on
of the most controversial Correct your spelling
one
issus
that people like to debate. A significant of online platforms entice Correct your spelling
issues
issue
general
public into Correct article usage
the general
pop-stars
Correct your spelling
pop stars
lives
with nemurous
Correct your spelling
numerous
obession
and not respected Correct your spelling
obsession
behavior
. From Change the spelling
behaviour
writer’s
perspective, we should respect and protect their personal Correct article usage
the writer’s
lives
from being exposed to public
by sharing numerous pictures and articles on online media platforms.
Influencers’ non-public moments are often exposed Add an article
the public
from
Change preposition
by
paparzzi
or journalists on social network services(SNS). Correct your spelling
paparazzi
However
, some famous people share their personal lives
on their social media plaforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
such
as Instagram, Facebooks
and YouTube themselves. Fix the agreement mistake
Facebook
Sometime
, these platforms are used as a communication tool with fans. By sharing so, they can build a strong relationship with each Replace the word
Sometimes
oher
between celebrities and supporters. Correct your spelling
other
For instance
, R.M
of BTS (a K-POP group) usually does livestream on Correct your spelling
R.M.
instagram
, and he Change the capitalization
Instagram
make
a daily conversation with his followers. Change the verb form
makes
Moreover
he promoted his new album and schedules.
Add a comma
Moreover,
However
, extensive exposures
from journalists, Fix the agreement mistake
exposure
paprazzi
even from Correct your spelling
paparazzi
YouTuber
lead to Fix the agreement mistake
YouTubers
negative
influence on famous people’s mental health. They often write exaggerated articles and photograph their Add an article
a negative
daiy
moments indiscriminately with any Correct your spelling
daily
day
confirm
to get to public’s attention.
Replace the word
confirmation
As a result
, they often came into conflict with pop stars and journalists over excessive exposure of their lives
without agreement. For example
, G-dragon ,who is the
one of the most popular Correct article usage
apply
singer
in South Korea, developed depression from numerous Change to a plural noun
singers
genral
public interest. He can’t walk around freely when his ordinary life even Correct your spelling
general
in
abroad as well. Change preposition
apply
These excessive attention
Change the determiner
This excessive attention
allow
him to cause mental health Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
issus
over and over.
In conclusion, famous individuals need to accept some level of exposure and interest, Correct your spelling
issues
on the other hand
, a lot of disturbrance
harms their Correct your spelling
disturbance
disturbances
metal
health.Correct your spelling
mental
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and the ideas within it flow logically from one to the next. For example, use more linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas.
task achievement
Some ideas are underdeveloped or unclear. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to support your main points. Also, make sure to stay on topic throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a clear beginning and end.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and gives a clear opinion on whether celebrities' private lives should be exposed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.