IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The pictures show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK.

#pictures #show #information #income #food #clothes #city #uk
The statistics provide information on the money which was earned and
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spent on
clothes
 and
food
 by a family living in the UK.
Overall
, the average income held the top spot during the entire surveyed period.
In addition
, fruit & vegetable and dairy products witnessed an upward trend
whereas
 meat & fish and
clothes
 exhibited a contrasting pattern except other
food
 which was unchanged. Regarding the first chart, in 2010, the average income stood at 29.000
pounds
, followed by the spending on
food
 and
clothes
, with 14.000
pounds
.
This
 figure for the income decreased to 25.000
pounds
 in 2013;
however
, the amount of money which was spent on
food
 and
clothes
 increased slightly to 15.000
pounds
at the end
 of the period. At the start, meat and fish emerged as the leading categories, at 29% before decreasing slightly to just over a quarter in 2013.
This
 was followed by
clothes
, with figures being 13%.
In contrast
, fruit and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
 witnessed an ascending trend in spending, with a slight increase to 30% in 2013. Far below was dairy products, with 15%. Meanwhile, the figure for other
food
 remained unchanged from 2010 to 2013.
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task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, offering a clear comparison and description of the trends displayed in the charts. However, it could be improved by adding a more distinct conclusion to encapsulate the findings.
coherence cohesion
While the essay follows a logical structure, it would benefit from a stronger introduction and conclusion. Adding linking phrases would enhance the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with details and consistency. 'At the start, meat and fish emerged as the leading categories' can be confusing and requires clearer data reference. Also, 'other food remained unchanged' could benefit from more specific numbers.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear comparison of the data, showing upward and downward trends effectively.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between ideas are smooth and the essay maintains a good flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average income
  • spending habits
  • proportion
  • cost of living
  • economic changes
  • cultural factors
  • standard of living
  • economic health
  • leftover income
  • savings
  • expenses
  • financial trends
  • value for money
  • economic forecasts
  • significant increase/decrease
  • spending patterns
What to do next:
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