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Band 5

Some individuals argue that governments should allocate more funding to railways rather than roads due to the former's higher capacity for transporting goods and passengers. discuss both views

#individuals #governments #railways #roads #capacity #goods #passengers
The debate about utilising public transport as
railway
Correct article usage
a railway
show examples
 system or underground in a more efficient way
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been around for decades.
While
 some
people
 are actively supporting
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 idea of governments allocating more money towards trains rather than roads, the opponents argue the capacity for transporting goods and passengers
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not a sufficient argument in order to redistribute the funds. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss both views.
Firstly
, the fact that both cars and tracks produce a lot of CO2 is rather well-known.
This
 affects our planet in a negative way.
That is
 why environment-friendly reason remains to be the main advantage of investing in the development of railways, rather than the roads.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 allocating the budget towards efficient railways around the country will assist in solving some of
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 ecological matters.
Secondly
, trains can contain more
people
, than a car or even an average bus.
As a consequence
, more
people
 can travel at the same time, which leads to improving issues like traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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. Offloading the roads will allow
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to spend less time commuting between work and home and to spend
this
 time at work.
This
 can potentially improve the
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 situation. Some
people
 though believe that cars are more convenient
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not have to adjust around schedules.
This
 means a person has more freedom, which can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their well-being. Eventually, I believe the countries that are big enough for the railways nets, should use them as much as possible in order to tackle two of the main issues the society is facing nowadays.
Submitted by anapoliakovaa on

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task achievement
While the introduction sets up the topic well, some points could benefit from clearer articulation and supporting examples. Ensure every main point is backed by relevant examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Some grammatical errors and typos, such as 'teh' instead of 'the' disrupt the flow. Proofreading for such mistakes before submission will help enhance readability.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, which is crucial for a 'discuss both views' type of task.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion, is well-done.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocate funding
  • transportation infrastructure
  • higher capacity
  • efficiency
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • environmentally friendly
  • last mile connectivity
  • flexibility and convenience
  • individual travel
  • rail routes
  • maintaining infrastructure
  • upgrading networks
  • daily commuting
  • perishable goods
  • economic growth
  • regional development
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