In recent years, the rise of social media has significantly impacted the way people communicate and interact with each other. Discuss the effects of this trend on individuals and society. Suggest some possible solutions to mitigate its negative impacts.
Nowadays, individuals spend a huge amount of
time
on social media
which has had a negative impact on communication
, causes mental health problems and harmful
effects on future job opportunities, which can be solvable.
Undeniably, Add a missing verb
has harmful
People
spend so much time
on social media
who
don’t have enough opportunities to spend Correct word choice
and
time
with loved ones. Such
a lack of communication
has a negative influence on mental health. This
type of lifestyle normally leads to depression and isolation. Considering children
spend Verb problem
Children
time
on Instagram and follow the latest photos and videos of strangers instead
of speaking with family members. Therefore
, violent content on Instagram causes mental disease on them. More importantly, if people
do not have enough communication
with others, they will not learn how to deal with individuals. This
type of behaviour has a harmful effect on future occupations because Correct pronoun usage
it
they
can not attract the attention of employees. Correct pronoun usage
it
This
is mainly because they do not have real communication
and they just use virtual interaction on social media
and they can not express their abilities effectively. Thus
, they have less chance to find a suitable job.
However
, these problems can be solved if they follow the specific schedule and register for valuable classes. First of all, they have to define a plan for using social media
and also
spending time
with family members and friends. For example
, people
have to eat dinner with family or invite friends over at the weekend which helps them to socialize. Such
a plan assists them in discussing with others which protects them from various types of mental illness. Moreover
, people
have to participate in different educational courses. These classes not only help them to improve their knowledge but also
give them more job prospects. Therefore
, they probably don’t have time
to scroll on social media
.
To conclude
, Although
social media
has some problems, solutions to them are not far from reach. People
have to have a plan and also
attend vocational and training classes.Submitted by za.vasigh on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively covers the main points of the topic and provides solutions. However, specific examples to support your arguments would make your essay stronger. Try to include concrete instances or statistics where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are logically structured and flow well, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Additionally, some sentences feel slightly repetitive. Diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures could enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-linked to the body paragraphs, helping to frame your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear response to the task with relevant points discussed logically.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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