In recent years, the rise of social media has significantly impacted the way people communicate and interact with each other. Discuss the effects of this trend on individuals and society. Suggest some possible solutions to mitigate its negative impacts.

#years #rise #media #people #effects #trend #individuals #society #impacts

Nowadays, individuals spend a huge amount of

time

on social

media

which has had a negative impact on

communication

, causes mental health problems and

harmful

Add a missing verb

has harmful

show examples

effects on future job opportunities, which can be solvable. Undeniably,

People

spend so much

time

on social

media

who

Correct word choice

and

show examples

don’t have enough opportunities to spend

time

with loved ones.

Such

a lack of

communication

has a negative influence on mental health.

This

type of lifestyle normally leads to depression and isolation.

Considering children

Verb problem

Children

show examples

spend

time

on Instagram and follow the latest photos and videos of strangers

instead

of speaking with family members.

Therefore

, violent content on Instagram causes mental disease on them. More importantly, if

people

do not have enough

communication

with others, they will not learn how to deal with individuals.

This

type of behaviour has a harmful effect on future occupations because

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

can not attract the attention of employees.

This

is mainly because they do not have real

communication

and they just use virtual interaction on social

media

and they can not express their abilities effectively.

Thus

, they have less chance to find a suitable job.

However

, these problems can be solved if they follow the specific schedule and register for valuable classes. First of all, they have to define a plan for using social

media

and

also

spending

time

with family members and friends.

For example

people

have to eat dinner with family or invite friends over at the weekend which helps them to socialize.

Such

a plan assists them in discussing with others which protects them from various types of mental illness.

Moreover

people

have to participate in different educational courses. These classes not only help them to improve their knowledge but

also

give them more job prospects.

Therefore

, they probably don’t have

time

to scroll on social

media

To conclude

Although

social

media

has some problems, solutions to them are not far from reach.

People

have to have a plan and

also

attend vocational and training classes.

Submitted by za.vasigh on Tue Jun 18 2024

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task achievement

Your essay effectively covers the main points of the topic and provides solutions. However, specific examples to support your arguments would make your essay stronger. Try to include concrete instances or statistics where appropriate.

coherence cohesion

While your main points are logically structured and flow well, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Additionally, some sentences feel slightly repetitive. Diversifying your vocabulary and sentence structures could enhance the readability and flow of your essay.

introduction conclusion

The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-linked to the body paragraphs, helping to frame your arguments effectively.

coherence cohesion

Your essay presents a clear response to the task with relevant points discussed logically.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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