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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below gives information about the spending habits of people in four countries on consumer goods in 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below gives information about the spending habits of people in four countries on consumer goods in 2012. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The illustration demonstrates how much
money
Use synonyms
 was spent on different products of citizens in 4 European countries in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
expenditure
Use synonyms
went
Correct pronoun usage
that went
show examples
 into all areas of British people stayed at the highest rate compared with others.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the demand of residents in Belgium and Austria for several types of goods was at the lowest position. The amount of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on all examined goods
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 British citizens remained at the peak, with the highest figure was the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on cameras and
toys
Use synonyms
, at 170 and 167 respectively, followed by the spending in the realms of
toys
Use synonyms
, books, cosmetics, games, and outdoor gear which ranged around 160.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on buying cameras, books, and
toys
Use synonyms
 of Belgium presidents was
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
, fluctuating only around 145,
while
Linking Words
 the amount of
money
Use synonyms
went
Correct pronoun usage
that went
show examples
 into games, outdoor accessories and cosmetics was at approximately 150. Cameras, which were bought the most by
Austria
Replace the word
Austrian
show examples
 people, stood at 165, followed by the figure for
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on books and
toys
Use synonyms
 at around 155.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Austria
Replace the word
Austrian
show examples
 citizens
consumed
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 less
money
Use synonyms
 on cosmetics, games and outdoor products, just under 150. The figure for the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 of Spain occupants in all types of products was relatively similar, just about 155 for each field.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, expenditure, toys with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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