IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientiic research. business and the academic world. others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #information #scientiic #research #business #world
Sharing
information
 now is becoming more and more significant in our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some people hold the opinion that it is important to
share
 as much
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information
 as possible,
nevertheless
, towards the same issue, there are
also
 some people
firmly
Correct pronoun usage
who firmly
show examples
 proclaim that part of the
information
 is too valuable to
share
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the public. From my own perspective, I wholeheartedly believe both of the views are true, it depends if the
information
 is about politics, war, military or not.
For example
, If the
information
 aims to improve the happiness,
convenience
Correct word choice
and convenience
show examples
 of our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, it would be a pleasure, for scientists and all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings, to
share
 the
information
.
On the other hand
, when it comes to politics or
military
Correct article usage
the military
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
 sharing, which
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
 to different
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 and different countries, would be sensitive and awkward.
Firstly
,
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the point of view
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 sharing
information
, we can tell that there is an incomparable advantage,
is
Correct pronoun usage
which is
show examples
 to promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmony between different races, countries, or
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
.
For example
,
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
 can learn a lot by
pay
Change the verb form
paying
show examples
 attention to his own
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
, meanwhile, the cooperation between two students can make everyone
absorbs
Correct subject-verb agreement
absorb
show examples
 new knowledge. At the same time, if the government
share
 secret
information
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the public, it will cause public panic, or
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
 leak
information
 to international
spy
Fix the agreement mistake
spies
show examples
, both
can
Change preposition
of can
show examples
 lead to irreparable consequences
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings.
To sum up
, From what
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has been discussed above, we may reasonably
come
Add the preposition
come to
show examples
 the conclusion that in many cases, it could
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be good to
share
information
, but
also
, in some
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, it won't be better to
share
 the
information
.
Submitted by 1346668290 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and supported with specific examples and explanations. This will help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve your coherence by using consistent and appropriate linking words and phrases. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear structure for the essay.
Task Achievement
The response addresses both views on the topic, offering a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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