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Band 5

There is a discussion whether young individuals should be taught about morality by their teachers or teachers’ responsibility should just simply be related to academic knowledge. In this essay, I will prove that it is necessary to emphasize both views.

#discussion #individuals #morality #teachers #teachers’ #responsibility
There is a discussion
whether
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about whether
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 young individuals should be taught about morality by their
teachers
 or
teachers’
Correct word choice
whether teachers’
show examples
 responsibility should just simply be related to academic knowledge. In
this
 essay, I will prove that it is necessary to emphasize both views. On the one hand, some reasons are given by the proponents of the former opinion in order to justify their perspective.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that the amount of time that children spend in school
account
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accounts
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 for the majority of their daily routine.
Therefore
,
teachers
 are the ones who take responsibility
to teach
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for teaching
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 them about ethics.
Besides
, there is a growing trend of juvenile delinquency these days and
this
make
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makes
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 the role of
teacher
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teachers
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 in preventing youngsters
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from commiting
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commiting
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committing
 illegal actions
are
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apply
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more significant than ever.
For instance
, if young individuals become aware of the detrimental effects of drugs at school, the chance of trying them will be decreased.
Nevertheless
, people deem that children’s morality should be learnt
form
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from
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 their parents. Typically, it is believed that parents who possess a deeper understanding of their children will be better
in
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at
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 teaching them about moral values. Meanwhile,
teachers
 are the ones who should take responsibility
in
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for
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 teaching youngsters academic knowledge only.
For instance
, most companies require employees’ expertise and knowledge
in
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at
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 a high level these days.
Hence
, in the purpose of fostering
youngsters
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youngsters'
youngster's
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 opportunities in finding future
career
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careers
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, school
curriculum
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curricula
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 and
teachers
 should only focus on the
academis
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academic
academics
 subjects. In conclusion, to
headed
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head
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 for a comprehensive education for young individuals, from my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 we should
balancing
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balance
be balancing
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 both aspects.
Submitted by weezel on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that your ideas transition smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors and refine your vocabulary for higher precision.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views in the discussion, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a strong framework for the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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