task 2: both men and women these days work full-time, so it is logical for them to share household chores equally. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One school of thought holds that it is unjustifiable to divide housework equally to
both
genders,
although
they are occupying full-time
employments
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employment
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.
However
, I
am wholeheartedly contend
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wholeheartedly contend
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that the responsibility
in
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of
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doing household chores should be separated to
both
male
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males
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and
female
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females
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due to
them doing full-time
works
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work
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in
this
modern era. First and foremost, the rationale behind my aforementioned claim is to increase
the
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apply
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productivity in doing housework. That said,
instead
of only one gender
such
as a mother or a grandmother being responsible for cleaning the house
,
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apply
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when men and women
overtaking
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overtake
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this
responsibility equally are able to complete the same task with much less time.
As a result
,
both
genders in a family have more time
dedicating
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to dedicate
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for
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to
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their personal career building and pursuing or forming hobbies, which can benefit their mental health for better attitudes towards other
family’s
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family
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members.
In addition
to
productive
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the productive
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effect, doing household chores
in equality
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inequality
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can bring men and women the feeling of getting close to each
others
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other
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.
This
means that accomplishing house tasks together
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gives
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give
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gives
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husband and wife,
for example
, the
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opportunity
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opportunities
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opportunity
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to discover different characteristics of each
others
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other
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. One more trait
can
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that can
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be explored is how carefully and meticulously he or she arranges dishes after washing.
Furthermore
, throughout the process of doing housework, men and women in a family can confide their own stories which they have experienced at
workplace
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the workplace
a workplace
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for empathy and consolation. In conclusion, despite some arguments
of
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about
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not sharing household chores
to
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with
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both
female
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females
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and
male
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males
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, I totally agree that in
this
society where two genders work full-time, it is not illogical for them to have home tasks divided equally
due to
two primary advantages involving the efficiency and bonding means.
Submitted by mylinhlee27 on

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clarity
One area to improve is the clarity and fluency of your ideas. While your essay contains compelling arguments, the phrasing and paragraphs could be more polished to enhance readability. For example, instead of 'increase the productivity in doing housework,' consider 'enhance productivity in household chores.'
task response
To further strengthen your task response, ensure that each of your main points is backed by specific and relevant examples. This will make your argument more compelling and less generalized.
cohesion
Regarding cohesion, work on the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and linking words can help to connect your ideas more smoothly. For instance, transitions such as 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' and 'Moreover' at the beginning of new points can make your essay more coherent.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction does a fine job of setting up your argument, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your key points.
task response
You've made a strong case for the benefits of sharing household chores, discussing productivity and emotional bonding in a family.
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