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Band 5

Some people think it is better for one single legal system thought the world. Other say countries should have their own law. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #system #world #countries #law
Every single person thought about the general law around the world. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some support
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
 edie many suggest that it would be better if each country
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 own law system.
This
 essay will talk about both cases with proper examples. Installing a single rule system for all humanity provides various opportunities for residents
as well as
 for governments. Widespread
rules
leades
Correct your spelling
leads
lead
people
 to be less confused and
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
assists
Correct subject-verb agreement
assist
show examples
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
show examples
 the amount of
rime
Correct your spelling
time
show examples
 in every corner of the world. If there
will be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 only one
statue
Correct your spelling
statute
show examples
 book for
whole
Change the article
the whole
show examples
 world, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of readers would be higher.
Consequently
, being aware of
rules
leades
Correct your spelling
leaders
leads
people
 do not make silly breaches. If the measure of readers will
growth
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grow
show examples
 there is no doubt that they will teach their children in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 Right way to prevent them
to became
Change preposition
from becoming
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
.
For instance
, if a person has a good upbringing and knows
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 from childhood,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 chance to
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 a rule-breaker
even
Add a missing verb
is even
show examples
 less compared to
people
 who have not been informed
such
 amount of
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about
rules
 from a young age.
According to
 the information from websites There 256 countries are
availble
Correct your spelling
available
 and in 256 countries
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 different nations.
Due to
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
show examples
 of cultures,
traditioons
Correct your spelling
traditions
 and
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
lifestyle
Add a comma
lifestyle,
show examples
 it would be difficult to create a
certan
Correct your spelling
certain
 rule that will be
approprite
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 for all cultures.
For example
,
rules
 like
voiting
Correct your spelling
vomiting
voting
, road
rules
 or some
streets
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street
show examples
rules
 may
differe
Correct your spelling
differ
 in Uzbekistan and South Korea. In
Uzbekistan
Add a comma
Uzbekistan,
show examples
 a teenager who has already turned
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
16 can apply for
driver's
Correct article usage
a driver's
show examples
 license.
However
, in South
Korea
Add a comma
Korea,
show examples
people
 can not
rode
Change the verb form
ride
show examples
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 they turn 21. In conclusion,
Despite
Fix capitalization
despite
show examples
 the fact that having one rule system would offer different chances to
people
, creating
rules
 for each country best way to keep
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
steady
 lifestyle.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Grammar
There are several spelling and grammatical errors throughout the essay. Make sure to proofread and correct errors such as 'Despite of,' 'edie,' 'leades,' 'rime,' 'became,' and 'knowladge.'
Clarity
Some sentences are unclear or awkwardly phrased, e.g., 'Every single person thought about the general law around the world.' Improving sentence structure and clarity would make your essay easier to read.
Supporting Examples
While your essay covers both sides of the argument, the examples provided could be more specific and detailed to better support your points. You could expand on your examples to strengthen the argument.
Conclusion
The conclusion could be more robust, summarizing the main points of the essay more effectively. Try to succinctly restate your key arguments in the conclusion.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the structure of your argument.
Task Response
You have effectively discussed both views and provided a balanced argument, which addresses the task prompt well.
Examples
The essay includes relevant examples to support your points, such as the different age requirements for obtaining a driver's license in Uzbekistan and South Korea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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