IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 era, there
are
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is
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 some evidence of
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 allowing
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childern
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children
 who is under 7 years of
age
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to begin
Linking Words
 their formal
education
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. It appears that some people argue that
this
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 phenomenon should not be happening.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light
both
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on both
show examples
 arguments of
this
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 tendency. First and foremost, sending
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childern
Correct your spelling
children
 to
school
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in
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at
show examples
their
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an
show examples
 early
age
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 can be advantageous to
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
extens
Correct your spelling
extent
. In some regions,
school
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 starts to allow young students to get a formal
education
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to begin
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 their
education
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jouney
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journey
in
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at
show examples
a
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an
show examples
 early
age
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. It's believed that the early
age
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 of
education
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 can
merits
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merit
show examples
 the growth of
intelegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 more easily rather than in a late
age
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.
For example
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, the Citra Bangsa
School
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 which is located in Jakarta, accept
student
Add an article
a student
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 without any
age
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 limit requirement and
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childern
Correct your spelling
children
 under 7 years old can begin their
education
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 at
school
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.
On the other hand
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, there is a possibility that formal
school
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 can
negativelly
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negatively
 affect
to
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apply
show examples
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childern's
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children's
 mental, especially
in
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at
show examples
 a very early
age
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, considering their level of maturity and
intelegence
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intelligence
. Formal
education
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require
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requires
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to study within many factors of pressure.
For instance
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, there was a case that
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childern
Correct your spelling
children
in
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at
show examples
 a young
age
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 had
a
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apply
show examples
depression because of the pressure from studying at
school
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. Parents should consider the level of maturity and
intelegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 of their
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childern
Correct your spelling
children
 before sending them to get a formal
education
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 to prevent them from depression. I do
also
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belive
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believe
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 that
this
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 approach should be well acknowledged by parents in society to reduce the amount of
same
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apply
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cases
appear
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that appear
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 in the future. In conclusion,
while
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 it is irrefutable that the ubiquity of formal
education
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 early
age
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 to
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
extens
Correct your spelling
extent
extents
,
but
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apply
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
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childern
Correct your spelling
children
 under 7 years of
age
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 should not get a formal
education
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 at
school
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage, but it could be more clearly articulated. Ensure you present both views explicitly before stating that you'll discuss them.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion restates your position but should summarize the key arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Introduce more vivid and relevant examples to illustrate your points effectively and support your arguments more robustly.
task achievement
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. For example, 'childern' should be 'children' and 'intelegence' should be 'intelligence'.
task achievement
Your essay tackles both views, which shows a balanced approach to the task.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your argument, such as the mention of Citra Bangsa School.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • lifelong love for learning
  • undue pressure
  • young minds
  • emotionally and socially
  • less structured environment
  • play-based learning
  • crucial
  • long-term academic performance
  • well-being
  • balancing early education
  • flexibility
  • best approach
What to do next:
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