IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely accepted by many that
subjects
Use synonyms
 like physical education and cooking
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not help academically,
due to
Linking Words
 which
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 come
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
surface
Correct article usage
the surface
show examples
 suggesting
removal
Correct article usage
the removal
show examples
 of non-academic
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 from the school syllabus. I believe all
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 important in different ways. it is true that they may not help academically but they have equal importance in the school syllabus. I will provide evidence suggesting the same with reasoning describing why it is believed
this
Linking Words
 way.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the rise of advancement in all aspects of
society
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 creates a lot of pressure on
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 to gain knowledge to help
society
Use synonyms
 grow more, with which it is easily understandable to think that
non- academic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
show examples
subject
Use synonyms
 only weighs a
student
Use synonyms
 down.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
to pursue
Change the verb form
pursuing
show examples
 these
non- academic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
show examples
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 is not susceptible for everyone
due to
Linking Words
 which
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not wish to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 like cooking and physical education
also
Linking Words
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not
support
Wrong verb form
supported
show examples
 financially and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 beneficiary
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. There are plenty of
reasoning
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 that suggest
removal
Correct article usage
the removal
show examples
 of
sub-
Correct your spelling
sub-subjects
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 like sports and culinary but it is
also
Linking Words
 important to understand why they are in
syllabus
Add an article
the syllabus
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 a
student
Use synonyms
 build
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
physical health that indirectly improves cognitive, alertness and perception leading to
support
Replace the word
supporting
show examples
Use synonyms
student's
Correct article usage
the student's
show examples
 academic results.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these other
subjects
Use synonyms
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 us understand the moral ethics, manners,
importance
Correct word choice
and importance
show examples
 of
society
Use synonyms
 and family without these
society
Use synonyms
 could collapse.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these
subjects
Use synonyms
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 in
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 might hold more importance in today's world but
to understand
Change the verb form
understanding
show examples
 the
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 of
non
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 important.
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 a dire need to understand that earning more money is not
important
Rephrase
as important
show examples
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 living
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life to the fullest. So, the removal of
non- academic
Correct your spelling
non-academic
show examples
Use synonyms
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 might to less good than bad in the long run.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings in the essay. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and sentence structure will enhance the clarity and readability of your writing. Consider reviewing basic grammar rules or using grammar-check tools to identify and correct mistakes.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate transitions and linking words to create a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases such as "Moreover," "However," and "For example" can help to connect ideas more coherently.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. This can help to illustrate your points more clearly and make your essay more persuasive. Referencing relevant experiences or general knowledge can make your positions more relatable and convincing.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing both sides of the issue and providing reasoning for why non-academic subjects should remain in the school syllabus.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's stance, providing a clear end to the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: