Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Huyền
In the contemporary era, there are conflicting views about the key to
health
. While
some people
believe that doing regular exercise is the decisive method, and
others believe that having a balanced diet is the main condition to maintain Correct word choice
apply
health
. I am in favour of view
that both ways are necessary.
There are many reasons why some Add an article
the view
a view
people
think that exercise regularly helps people
keep health
better. To begin
, some individuals hold the view that physical activities can reduce the risks of chronic diseases. People
keep fit daily whose bodies will improve cardiovascular health
, and diminish blood pressure and cholesterol levels so that they can live longer. For example
, an elderly will be capable of living up to 90 years old if this
person exercises at medium levels for a long time. Another reason is to lose weight. Working out day by day is claimed to reduce the redundant body weight and burn more calories in the process. For instance
, people
running 15 minutes every day in
3 months can lose from 3 to 4 kilos.
Change preposition
for
On the other hand
, some people
would agree that a balanced diet is the key to keeping healthy. The most important reason for this
way is to relieve stress. When people
absorb clean and fresh foods, their bodies will convert them into well-substances which supply energy for individuals. Therefore
, working or studying as fit as a fiddle can stimulate the
happiness, optimism and positivity in each person. Correct article usage
apply
In addition
, healthy eating also
supports the majority of the population enhance memories and brain strength. To illustrate, in one meal, some foods, such
as fish, beef, vegetables, and orange
are digested and converted into fat, protein, and vitamins, which are essentially good for Fix the agreement mistake
oranges
health
. Then
, step by step, the blood circulation to the brain will increase, and due to
that, the percentage of the population having Alzheimer's disease will decrease.
In conclusion, although
exercise regularly is a factor Correct pronoun usage
that make
make
the body always strong and fit, Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
this
way needs to combine
with Wrong verb form
be combined
reasonable
eating system to be effective. From my perspective, Add an article
the reasonable
a reasonable
people
should apply both methods to gain the best health
.Submitted by midden-02.tore on
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task achievement
While your essay clearly discusses both views on the topic, try to ensure that your arguments for each side are equally balanced in terms of length and depth. You seem to provide more detailed examples for exercise than for diet.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., "some individuals hold the view" can be simplified to "some believe"). This will enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
It would be beneficial to use more cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Lastly' to organize your points better and to make the flow of your essay smoother.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and clearly convey your stance on the issue. This gives your essay a strong structure.
task achievement
Your task response is thorough; you addressed both views and provided a clear personal opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and specific examples are used effectively to support your main points, making your arguments more convincing.
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