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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Huyền

#people #exercise #health #diet #huyền
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In the contemporary era, there are conflicting views about the key to
health
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.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that doing regular exercise is the decisive method,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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others believe that having a balanced diet is the main condition to maintain
health
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. I am in favour of
view
Add an article
the view
a view
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 that both ways are necessary. There are many reasons why some
people
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 think that exercise regularly helps
people
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 keep
health
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 better.
To begin
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, some individuals hold the view that physical activities can reduce the risks of chronic diseases.
People
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 keep fit daily whose bodies will improve cardiovascular
health
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, and diminish blood pressure and cholesterol levels so that they can live longer.
For example
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, an elderly will be capable of living up to 90 years old if
this
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 person exercises at medium levels for a long time. Another reason is to lose weight. Working out day by day is claimed to reduce the redundant body weight and burn more calories in the process.
For instance
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,
people
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 running 15 minutes every day
in
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for
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 3 months can lose from 3 to 4 kilos.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 would agree that a balanced diet is the key to keeping healthy. The most important reason for
this
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 way is to relieve stress. When
people
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 absorb clean and fresh foods, their bodies will convert them into well-substances which supply energy for individuals.
Therefore
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, working or studying as fit as a fiddle can stimulate
the
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apply
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happiness, optimism and positivity in each person.
In addition
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, healthy eating
also
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 supports the majority of the population enhance memories and brain strength. To illustrate, in one meal, some foods,
such
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 as fish, beef, vegetables, and
orange
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oranges
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 are digested and converted into fat, protein, and vitamins, which are essentially good for
health
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.
Then
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, step by step, the blood circulation to the brain will increase, and
due to
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 that, the percentage of the population having Alzheimer's disease will decrease. In conclusion,
although
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 exercise regularly is a factor
Correct pronoun usage
that make
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 the body always strong and fit,
this
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 way needs to
combine
Wrong verb form
be combined
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 with
reasonable
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the reasonable
a reasonable
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 eating system to be effective. From my perspective,
people
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 should apply both methods to gain the best
health
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.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
While your essay clearly discusses both views on the topic, try to ensure that your arguments for each side are equally balanced in terms of length and depth. You seem to provide more detailed examples for exercise than for diet.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., "some individuals hold the view" can be simplified to "some believe"). This will enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
It would be beneficial to use more cohesive devices such as 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Lastly' to organize your points better and to make the flow of your essay smoother.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented and clearly convey your stance on the issue. This gives your essay a strong structure.
task achievement
Your task response is thorough; you addressed both views and provided a clear personal opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and specific examples are used effectively to support your main points, making your arguments more convincing.
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